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2001-08-01 21:04:06 (UTC)

August 1st....3 years in Milledgeville

Well, last nite wasn't that fun...to be honest. Like, we
couldn't find anyone to really come and we didn't even
drink the stuff we got. Dee went to sleep by 2 and I was
soon knocked out after that. Leroy and his friends stopped
by. It also sucked. I don't know. I hate Leroy when he is
around his friends and stuff. And the whole thing with him
breaking up with Scoop was totally BS. I just feel like
crying because I'm so confused as to what to do. Like, I no
longer want Leroy to be my first. It's like he won't
cherish it the way I thought he would. I don't know what to
really say about it though. It's consuming a lot of my
thought though. When he was around me last nite, I wasn't
turned on by it at all! Like, I don't even see the
attraction being there anymore. He isn't the Leroy that I
would give myself to so quickly. He isn't the Leroy that I
described as gorgeous. It' sooooooooo confusing to me!!!!!!
I don't know what to do. I want to think of this as only a
for now thing, which I know it is, but I hate feeling like
this. I know when I talk to him it will be totally
different. Today was a day that I could have spent with him
and tomorrow could be a day that I spend with him, but I
don't see it happening. Man, this shit is really getting
under my skin. I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another thing he did
that made me really mad was he said that he was going to
call, but he didn't. DON'T SAY THE SHIT IF YOU KNOW GOOD
so hard to understand? I don't get niggas at all. I think I
need to stop being this person that I want Leroy to be
intrigued by. I'm trying to be nonchanlant, which I am
about any other guy, but not with Leroy. I just want to get
all this shit off my chest and tell him that he needs to
stop speaking about it and be about it. I don't know. I
guess it will all past. I just have to find something to
get my mind off of it. *JLYN*