[email protected]
2001-08-01 18:59:36 (UTC)

[email protected]

Its not exacally who I want to model mysef after. I feel as
if she has become me. I take the love of innocent people
through sexual acts and just using my knowlege of
seduction. I feel as if I have become her. A whore to
satan's duty. To seek and destroy what I love. The hurt is
painful, and the guilt is worse, but unspeakable is how I
can let it happen and repeat. Its a drug. A power trip of
sorts. I am embarassed, but I cannot stop. I can relate to
[email protected], so I have named my diary, and as is my life,
Satan's whore. She isn't someone who has a lack of apathy,
she is just fucked in the head, like me. Feelings are there
and all that wich makes one a human, just the hope is gone
and the branding has shaped her life. I meet someone and
all I want is to have them be the one. The person that I
have been hoping for since I was a child. And when I relize
that it isn't them, I destroy, as if to say 'how could you
decieve me?'. I hate it and I want to tear her away from
me. Strip her down and shame her for making me this way.
but there is no one else, she is me, my alter ego. Now I am
looking in the mirror and I am shaming her. How could I
decieve me?

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