Lost and Searching
2002-10-09 13:36:02 (UTC)

choices, and i don't really want to change

This past weekend the million dollar question "where is
justin?" was answered....he was in ohio............i knew
that he was back and tried to contact him but he never
answered so on sunday night, october 6, i decided i would
try one last night and to my surprise he answered his
phone, my first words where "your alive".......and then
found out what had happened at his house a month ago, and
what he had been up to....told him what i was told and talk
about shit hitting the fan......boy did he get irrate....he
wanted to call the person who was telling what supposedly
happened to him, and then he said he would call me back.. i
started to freak make a long story short, he
called me back shortly and by that time i was freezing,
couldn't breathe, and had a migraine from hell, we talked a
little bit and then i told him that i was going to take a
shower and i would call him back.....the shower seemed to
help my migraine and i have to admit that i did feel a
little i got into bed with the lights offs and
gave him a call, talked for thirty seven minutes before i
decided that i wanted to go over and have was my
decision which was exhilirating for me to be able to decide i go over there, and i don't know, it was
different, i am not sure how to explain it, but it
was....afterwards we normally go to sleep but this time, we
freaking talked, about how my family doesn't approve, and
how he hates the thought of being thought of as a drug
dealer, which i know that he isn't.........and that is far
from the truth as after talking i got
dressed, and told him that to give me a call when he is
back in town, which isn't till like the eightenth and
ninetenth of this month.....i don't plan on holding my
breath waiting for that phone call, which is what i am
telling myself, but i will problaby give him a call,

i now know that i am capable of getting along without him,
but in the back of my mind, i really like the guy,and
wished that he had a job fucking CLOSER to home, but i know
that i am looking for others...pray for me....