I have become comfortably numb
2002-10-09 04:27:12 (UTC)

Times Wounds, Jeremy Heals

I have been through lots of things in my life. Being the
mistake that I am, everything is always my fault and no one
elses. I have been through every kind of abuse you can
imagine (sexual, mental, emotional, physical, you name it,
more than likely it's happened.) My body and my mind,
have basically been a rag doll, for people to do with what
they wished. I have loved and lost, trusted and been
betrayed, put my faith in god, and got heartache back. On
what rare occasions I actually got something good in my
life, it was just a tease, something that prevented me from
offing myself like Nathan, and then after a short while,
the happiness was gone as quick as it came. All I ever
wanted in my life was to be happy, but I spent most of my
life abandonded and alone...even when I had people around
me. Nothin ever fit, nothin was ever complete inside of
me. Everytime something happened or I lost someone else,
the hole in my heart just got bigger, to the point where
the pain was just eating me alive. My heart was tired and
cold, I was dead on the inside. I thought nothing could
ever change that. And now, I feel like I am alive again.
Even with the bullshit still going on till this day in my
life, none of it matters. Jeremy's background is similar
to mine. We have both been screwed over more than once.
The only thing either of us have ever had that is real is
our love for each other. He completely saved me, from the
pains in my life and from most importantly myself. (I can
be my own worst enemy some of the time) Because of him, I
want to be a better person and most importantly, b/c of
him, I have a reason to live. I don't think about dying
24/7 anymore. I actually don't want to die at all, b/c I
know no matter how much time we ever have together it will
never be enough. Even now when I have to say goodbye to
him, I feel like crying, b/c with my experiences in the
past, there is always a chance lurking in my mind that he
won't be back, b/c of one reason or another. But I am
putting what faith I have in our love. Because I know with
him I can make it through anything as long as he is by my
side. I truly do love him with all my heart and soul.
He has made me complete, he has made me....me. So I
will thank him by returning his love everyday for as long
as I am here.
Till next time. I'm gone.

Love Ya's