Sal Paradise

Sal Paradise
2002-10-09 01:31:51 (UTC)

four years ago

i don't think i've talked to you man-to-woman in about four
years.
if we rewind back to some years ago, i remember you and
your cool friends would make fun of me. i guess it's ok
now since we're both older and wiser. i've let it go.
although i'm not about to forget that.

you're so much nicer to me now. why is that? about a year
ago when i bought a shirt you liked you walked up to me for
the first time in some years and said, "wow, your shirt is
really cool! i never noticed this, but you're cute."
it's not that i'm cute or that my shirt is cool, but it's
that you were too busy talking shit about me.

now i ask myself; are you being nice to her because she's
sweet to you or are you being nice because you don't want
to seem like an asshole and bring up things from the past?
i think it's a little bit of both. although, you are
really nice now.

i'm kind of confused as to why i've opened up to you the
way that i have these past few weeks. maybe it's because i
don't care about anyone in that place anymore. actually, i
think it's because we've finally clicked and we're surfing
on the same wave -- wherein you understand me and i
understand you. i just think it kind of sucks how you all
of a sudden started talking to me and asking me to "hang
out" once i lost fourty pounds and once i started caring
about name brands (or so it appears that way sometimes).

i'm not at the least bit angry. if i was i'd be totally
silent. see, when i'm angry i simply don't say a word. no
response could possibly escape my lips when i'm in a pissy
mood.

if you were someone else i'd totally kick my ass because i
never let people who hurt me that way in and i never let
myself out to them. but i don't know what it is. right
now i feel like it's safe enough to call you a friend.
scary, isn't it? well, just a little. it's just got me
thinking a bit about how much i've changed since those days
when we were so different.

do you remember writing letters in science class?!!! and
that teacher making fun of me?!!! and when i failed that
class?!!! those were the bipolar days of my youth. not my
bipolar emotional state, but unbalanced days.