The diary of a hardcore psycho punker --
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2002-10-08 23:37:01 (UTC)

Long time no see!!!!!

OH MY GOSH! I'm soo excited!!! Natalie Onofrei just called
me a lil while ago. I haven't talked to her in SOOO long
because her phone got disconnected. I even tried calling
the operator to get her number but she got a cell phone so
she called me and we're going to keep in touch. I love that
girl! She's so awesome and it's so encouraging to know how
much she looks up to me. Like, I've been struggling lately
and I feel like I have to look up to everyone else but
knowing that someone looks up to me is helping me so much
to stay strong for God knowing that it's a direct way to
impact people. I'm not getting a big head or anything but
knowing that I encourage someone and seeing how much
Natalie wants to be close to God encourages me! I really
love that girl as like my sister! She's encouraged me so
much and I pray that I can be a good friend to her, not be
prideful or get on a cloud but be totally there for her.
I'm always going to my Christian friends for advice and I
never had anyone coming to me and I felt like I was doing
something wrong but I realized just how much it matters to
stay strong for God. Every person too! Like Mike is strong
for me and I'm strong for Natalie and Natalie is strong for
her friends who need God. It's awesome! When I got off the
phone with her today, I just broke down and cried. Last
night, I was struggling with my thoughts and the same sin I
tried so hard to get rid of and I ended up not doing it but
falling back on the Lord and I know I'm one step closer to
being free. Now I realize how important it was because if I
had done it last night, I wouldn't have been able to really
minister to Natalie today. I just pray that God guides me
because she's having a really hard time and God's put her
on my heart for a reason. I know God will use me if I let
Him and I don't want to do anything to ruin that. I want to
keep that connection open and not polute it with ANYTHING
worldly which is hard for me because I tend to do that a
lot. It won't be ME helping Natalie but GOD through me. I
give all the credit to God because He could just as easily
use someone else but if I'm willing to be His "vessel",
He'll use me.

In whatever way Natalie needs encouragement, God, or in
whatever way you want to lift her up and you need someone
to do it, use me. God, in any way you want to use me, I'm
willing. I'll give all the credit to you and I won't be
prideful but only if you give me strength. I know you will
and I accept that. I just want to be there for Natalie. I
want nothing more than for her to live a rewarding life
with You. Nothing more than for her to claim everything
You've placed on her life. She's got such a future, God,
and to see her plan fulfilled is Your dream for her. I'm
willing to be used by You in any way You see fit and for
any prideful thoughts, I just pray that you forgive me for
them right now because that should have no place in my
heart! I hate it and I never want to be like that,
especially if You want to use me. I love You Daddy and
please help me to be totally obedient to You and You alone!
Not cool or anything. Coolness is not cool @ all. =)

So THAT is what has happened to me today. It's so exciting
to get to talk to Natalie again! I missed her so much!
WOOHOO!!! -- Heather --