IloveMegz123

The bald guy with one ball and stumps fo
2001-08-01 05:27:50 (UTC)

"I wish I never would have met you."

That's what she said. Fuck, I don't blame her one damn
bit! Life sucks for me right now. My own love hates me, I'm
screwed with my parents, and I am a compulsive liar. Lying
I can help! I know I could do it, I just never try hard
enough. I just wish someone could help me, or at least I
could try to help myself. She hasn't wrote in her diary
lately. I'm kind of anxious to see what her new entry will
be. Her name is MorrisseyXangel, on the diary thing. I wish
that she knew that I care about her. I think she does a
little bit, but not too much. O.k, so last night I was
spending the night at Matt's house, and we decide to go for
a little ride. We go to the plaza, and of course stupid me
is going fast, again, VERY fast. We drive out of the
parking lot at the exit, and enter another parking
entrance, going about 45 - 55 mph. Totally fucking up the
oil pan, which would cost us about $284. Of course I lie
about it, because it's easier then telling the truth. I
told my mom and dad, and even my Megan that I didn't do it.
I even go so low as to blame it on Matt's brother! I did
tell my parents that I did it, but they still don't know
the whole truth, and I'll probably never tell them until
they find out otherwise. That is just like me. That's just
how I am! So I am grounded for 3 weeks, or until right
before school starts.I think I get ungrounded 3 days before
school starts back up. I always get screwed in the long
run, because I don't tell the truth! Maybe next time I'll
think twice about lying, but YAH RIGHT! Who the HELL am I
kidding?! I wish I would havenever lied in the first place!
I wish I could look my baby in the face and tell her how
sorry I am, but I can't without feeling a tremendous load
of guilt. I'll never be different, and I'll NEVER change. I
DO care about her, I DO love her more than anything, I
guess I have too many issues for her to deal with anymore.
Maybe she would be happier without me. I try to see the big
picture. When all our friends move away, and aside from all
the fights, maybe we'll still be there for eachother. I
know I will ALWAYS be here for her, I wish she could
believe that! I wish she could believe EVERYTHING I say,
but I guess I dug my own grave. Maybe tomorrow will be a
better day?!
-ThOmAz-




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