michele

chelly
2002-10-08 00:59:48 (UTC)

Hello Ruby Tuesday

Welllllllllll. heh..there's not much to say except i
started yet another job. This time NO MATTER WHAT im going
to work and get things straight. I must find Richard
something better. He stays a little depressed about his
job. Hopefully, I pray he gets a job at Home Depot.
I now have to dodge Stephanie... only for a little while.
She wrote me a letter, saying she wanted me to call her
about the arrangements to her Dad. This weekend im gonna
slip 50 bucks to him. I dont know why.., but all my life
I cant shake the uncomforable feeling of confrontation.
The thought of it puts me in a state of mad nervousness.
But needless to say, I wont be calling her.
If there's been one thing I have been able to overcome
it's the constant thought about what people are thinking.
Or more importantly what they think about me. It made my
head swirl. I'll have to say I'm surprised that Richard
hasnt declared me crazy... I must hide it well.
Charlie is crazy too. He's tearing my pajamas at the
bottoms. He's almost at times too much for me to handle.
I hate to say that cause it's not like im afraid of him.
Its my poor nerves. It scares me a little. I dont want to
be one of those little nervous old ladies. Who
stay in their houses and raises cats and collect's
newspapers. I would be my aunt Edna Who chained smoked
cigarettes, smoking them to the butt.. before finally
ashing. I often wondered sitting there in that living
room, how she could smoke a hole cigarette without ashing
once. I always would think to myself . .. DROP DROP DROP..
just once damnit, I would have liked to see that.
And I dont want to take pills for it. I'll have to do some
searching on the subject.
I cant wait for Dad to be here. I know things will be a
little different but I'll feel more comforted with him
here. I just hope he doesnt pull a fast one on me again.
I sent Lisa an email and she hasnt returned it. I hope
that she didnt think I was too forward by saying some of
things I said. But it was the truth. And im not gonna
regret saying them, and anyhow.. i have enough regrets as
it is. I think that im gonna write carolyn a letter and
try to find Bethany. I would like to know how she is. For
some reason I can still remember that day in school when we
realized we were related. Now looking back on it i have to
stop and wander if she was somehow promted to ask me about
my grandmother Fisher, or if we just figured it out on our
own. Any means...I remember seeing my Sister in the hall
way... going up the stairs. She's another I'm gonna
attempt to start some kind of relationship. I know that
she is lonely. But she is intent on staying purged between
a rock and her crazy ways. I would like to get ahold of
vanessa.. she's the last one... and the only one that
causes my nerves to get the best of me. Ive been tempted
sooo many times to stop by there. To stick something in
her mailbox.. something just to let her know that im
thinking about her .. still after all these years.
There's a few more that I'll probably grow to have more
meaningful relationships with.. like Ivy, and Megan.
Megan is gonna be harder. She's such a miserable young
lady. My heart goes out to her, though on the other hand I
feel that she must grow up, and though it may be a hard
thing.. everything happens for a reason. And believe
me, .. if there is one piece of wisdom that I could give
anyone of them, or anybody for that matter would be that
karma will come back and kick you from behind. That
things that are good and pure only come from having a sense
of peace, and love. Good things create good vibes.
And on that note. Im out




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