Ruby Red

The Truth About Perfection
2001-08-01 02:33:37 (UTC)

loser girl is at it again

Lucky me, I'm resorting to bad habits. John is out of town
for the week, which leaves me with Cassie. I talk to her
about him, and more secrets that she's not supposed to know
come out and ugh! i just can't keep secrets. John is
going to be so pissed if he finds out. Plus I keep
thinking of ways to make them break up, or make him
jealous, or get attention from him. I can't stand it! I
like him, but why do I act like such a bad person! He
makes me crazy. I think about him every waking moment and
it's really starting to bother me!
I could just leave it be with him and go find other guys
but there aren't any other guys. But because they think
I'm "perfect" they won't date me, much less talk to me. So
if that's where A's and a successful life get me, then I'd
gladly throw it all away to be loved. This isn't fair and
I just can't stand what I'm doing to myself. I can't tell
anyone how I feel because they won't understand, or they'll
judge me, or get mad.
Enough for today.