mental illness, yes it is real..

what to do ?? or how would you feel ???

I am very hurt and confused at moment. Last night I was
chatting online with my baby Lisa, when she tells me she
just found a hot porn site that she signed up for. We have
what I thought was a very good sex life, never had any
complaints from me or her (so I thought) and she is tellin
me about the site and then she sends me link to a story on
site about a ladies 1st 3-some. It was a pretty hot story,
but I really wasnt in the mood, I pretended to be for her,
and here she was gettin herself all worked up waitin for me
to get home, all the while I am now wonderin what I am doin
wrong in our life.
Here Lisa is always tellin me what a good lover I am to
her, that i am the best she has ever had, that their is
nothing wrong, but here she is now tellin me that why does
it always have to be the same thing, same positions, always
routene. --- WELL,IT CANT BE BOTH WAYS, I CANT BE HER BEST
LOVER AND HAVE HER GETTING BORED WITH ME AT THE SAME TIME.
Right now, I have no idea what to do.... I love Lisa with
all my heart, and I want her happy, she has enough troubles
already, I am tryin my best to be as much help to her as I
can. But, now I feel totally inadiquate. I feel like she
has been tryin to put this over on me, aand now the truth
is comming out. I am a sexual failure to her. How can I
possibly be the best thing to ever happen to her sexually,
and have her be bored with me as well ?????
Once again, I have proven to myself that in reality, I am a
total failure. I have let my children down, and I have now
found out that I am a let down to Lisa as well.
Why is my life like this ??? Why cant i live a happy life??
And people wonder why I am in counseling.....lol, I am
lucky that I havent landed back in mental hospital, but I
feel that at this rate I will be back there very soon.....

HELP ME PLEASE !!!!