Crazy4Jah03

The diary of a hardcore psycho punker --
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2002-10-07 08:18:42 (UTC)

Once again... I'm back online...

Wow... I am such a dreamer! I don't know what's gotten into
me lately. I dream about things so much! Like what I want
to happen to me and how I want myself to be. I dream about
different things where I shine brightly with who I am. It's
so crazy! I just go to my room, put on my headphones, crank
up my punk & hardcore music and just rock out! Why can't I
do that at real concerts instead of just in my room? How
can I break out of this box I've put myself into and just
BE MYSELF???!!?!?! I just don't get it! What can I do to
break off these things that hinder me? Fear of rejection,
fear of looking stupid, fear of looking like I'm trying to
be something I'm not, worrying about what other people
think of me, stupid crap like that!!! GRR! How do I get it
off me?! I tense up and inside I don't want to at all!!! I
don't want to be this way! There's this raging war inside
me and I can't get out of it! I want soo badly for me to be
ME! NO ONE ELSE! I just want to be MYSELF! I want people to
see the REAL ME! The person I am when no one is looking...
that's the person I love. I hate the person I am around
people sometimes. Except for my close friends, Katie &
Robin, I don't know who else I feel free around. OH IM
GONNA GO INSANE!!!!! It's time to end this war!!!! I will
be free!!!! I'll be free within the boundaries God's put on
me of course but about the person I am to other people, I
gotta be real!!! GOD HELP ME TO GET OUT OF THIS INSANE
CIRCLE OF TRYING TO IMPRESS OTHER PEOPLE!!! PLEASE GOD!!! I
DONT WANT TO BE SOMEONE ELSE!!! I NEED TO BE ME!!! PLEASE
HELP ME TO DO THAT!!!!


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