Abstract Soul
2002-10-07 04:41:27 (UTC)

Wow...I ve recently realized..

Wow...I've recently realized that I haven't been tending to
my diary in a long while. I now using another e-mail
address and so I am not getting "My-Diary reminder" mail. that I have returned...I sense that the aroma
of my bitterness and self-loathing stench has been cleared
from this site. I guess it's great that I am back. I
suppose I should spray some more? that I have made
my introduction...I suppose it is time to talk about the
object of most of my entries....ME. Yes, yes,,me,me
Do you ever get annoyed or tired of seeing, hearing, and
looking at yourself? Let me tell you, I do. I am now in the
eleventh grade and battling the worst trials that the
sophomore year couldn't even hold a candle to. I'm a wreck.
I have been informed by numerous people, I am very high-
maintanence and am very flirtatious. God, I always prided
myself on being the complete opposite. I guess my worst
fear has come true. I have unknowingly given myself to
someone and have refused to take her back. I have someone
who is willing to give me the world, love me completly and
treat me like I have always fantasized being treated. The
only problem, you ask? I have no heart...I have no heart to
give...I gave it away and promised it to him and the thing
is...I don't even know if I want it back. I belong to
someone who doesn't want me. The person who does want
me....doesn't love me....he just wants me he says. What am
I to do? Am I finally getting a taste of ultimate pain I
have given to others? Is it safe to want to be with someone
whojust wants you and doesn't plan on loving you or can
really love you? I don't know...but I am tired of these
constant loveless situations that I am so often placed in.
Or do I place myself in them?