Journey to Something
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2002-10-07 02:37:35 (UTC)

Sunday, October 6, 2002

so, here i am feeling like an asshole. what the hell did i
ever do to him? have i been invisible this whole time?

let's back up. i asked shayne to go to my homecoming with
me on the 19th. i still don't know if we're going together,
and i found out tonight that his homecoming is the same
night as mine.

he told holly the other night that he still likes me but he
"can see that's not going anywhere and he's semi-involved
with a girl" there and "it seems like everybody's getting
along just fine" since he moved and "nobody needs him
anymore." screw him. has he heard a word i've said to him
for the past year? does he have a clue just how many
gallons of tears i've cried over him in the past few months?
i'm not going to just sit here, and be available to him
when he wants me. he needs to make a fucking decision, and
soon. i mean, i could be out getting another date for

my god, if he saw how goregous i look in the gown i bought
today, he'd kick himself in the ass for not taking the
chance yet. "you're almost too good a friend for a
relationship, but a part of me wants one." if we love each
other like we say we do, then i think we should take the
risk of having a relationship and losing a friendship. in
my opinion, what's the point in having a heart if you're too
afraid to follow it?

i can't hold onto him forever.

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