JDarkAngel

I have become comfortably numb
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2002-10-06 06:19:32 (UTC)

A Day In The Life

Well this is my first entry in my new diary. I have to say
it is actually gonna be a good one. I didn't think it
would be considering yesterday(which was just a couple of
hours ago) was my brother Nathan's birthday. He would have
been 20. He killed himself 4 years ago next summer. I
never really got over it and whenever the anniversary comes
around or his birthday I get really depressed and thinkin
about dying myself. But yesterday I didn't. It was
actually a good day for the most part. Besides the ups and
downs I had yesterday, I had a better time then I thought I
ever would. I spent most of the day with the person I love
more than anyone else in the world. Actually I don't even
think love could describe it. There's no word that ever
could describe the way I feel for my baby Jeremy. I mean
for the first time in my life I have actually found true
happiness. I never thought it could happen to me, but it
did. It's amazes me still how one minute, in one day can
change everything, either in a good or bad way. And this
time for me, it is actually good. And it came to me at the
best time. I wish it would have come sooner, but I am glad
I have it now. I was really starting to want to be with my
brother's again(yea it wasn't bad enough that I lost one
brother, I lose two, how lucky am I?) It just got so
lonely, losing everyone around me, I eventually just
starting wondering who would be next. I just wanted to die
and not feel the pain anymore. I actually had a plan to
kill myself, that even till this day no one knows about as
of yet. (It's amazing what you can tell a computer, but not
want anyone else in your life to know, even your closest
friends.) But for the most part, I am happy right now. I
just hope that it lasts. But I know it will only last as
long as it can, which hopefully will be forever. Well, I
think I am done talking about how lucky I am to be in love,
and not be miserable like I always have been. So, till
next time. I'm gone.

Love Ya's
Petrie


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