2002-10-06 06:04:00 (UTC)

babysitting me

i often feel like i am babysitting myself anymore. it is
strange to imagine, but i realize how childish things are
right now. especially between bo and me. it's weird,
there is so much sexual tension (not the - i want to fuck
you sexual tension, if that is possible). it's just
inexplicable. we finally kissed last night. it was crazy!
we were running really really late because we didn't
have the - group effort - to actually get up. i wanted to
kiss her so bad, i was just way too nervous to make the
first move. there ya go... i'm a kid, but yeah. of course, it
was all her... it was spontanious. very fun! but then,
when we were together later, and tonight, even, i was
so close to going in for the kill... but i got discouraged. i
am so self - concious now. lauren said bob said i was
a bad kisser. what's that supposed to mean? bob
kissed like a dog, does that leave him grounds for
saying that i am the bad kisser? no matter, now i have
this huge kissing thing. i am so scared i really am a
bad kisser. gosh, look at this. i swear, it is all so
elementary. blah blah blah... bo shouldn't care what i
kiss like, right? but gosh, issue number 2 - she has
been with far more girls than i have. i kissed 2 girls,
ever - and that was because of a drunken stupor. it's
just that i don't want to disappoint her. golly tamale.

well, i am going for chai with my friend jenn. hopefully
she will give me some lesbian guidance, there is just
so much clouding my mind right now. ok, i will end my bitch
session and look forward to my chai.

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