Visions Of Life
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2002-10-06 04:09:19 (UTC)

I am completly unstable. Last..

I am completly unstable. Last night i kept crying and
screaming for no reason. Then my boyfriend upset me and i
slashed both my arms really really bad. Then we had a
physical fight. Now something terrible has happened and I
just cant deal. I need help and there is no one to help me.
He is in trouble and its my fault, not his but I didnt even
realize it till it was too late. Im so lost, so lonely, so
emotional and until i can fix things i wont feel better. Im
so scared. I dont think I have ever cut myself this bad. My
left arm was bleeding so bad that my arm was covered in
blood. My right arm and wrists arent too bad but I just
couldnt stop. I am so ashamed. I dont want to hurt myself
but I have a serious problem and I cant stop and its
getting worse each week. I have to face it on my own and I
dont know how. I dont even want to look at myself in the
mirror. I am so horrible for so many reasons. I just hope
he doesnt break up with me over what happened. I knew I was
unstable and emotional and should have just left instead of
getting upset and fighting. But i didnt and everything is
so fucked up and no one will help me out. I dont want to be
alone tonight. Im so scared and worried. And my arm hurts
so bad. I cant even look at it long enough to clean it. I
cant believe I did that to myself, especially after I
promised I wouldnt. Im so horrible. God, I cant stop
crying. Please. Someone. Help me.