2001-07-31 09:33:45 (UTC)


Well I really don't know what to do now. I havent got a
clue. After worrying about stuart not calling me he calls
and we go for coffee. That was fine until he told me he was
seriously thinking about leaving the country. That rips me
to pieces. He doesn't want to lead me on and hurt me, but
that has already happened. I have too much pride to tell
him (at the time anyway) about how much I was hurting
inside. I thought I had numbed myself to him, at least to
the point where it is bearable and then he just rocks back
into my life larger than life and I wonder (and this is
incredibly silly) how will I live without him??? For a
moment in time he lit my life up like a comet in the sky. I
never stopped to think that maybe he might leave the
country (he's english) I wrote some poetry about it;

A Perfect World;
In a perfect world,
We could all be happy
In a perfect world,
There'd be no pain
In a perfect world,
Dissapointment wouldn't exsist
In a perfect world,
Dreams wouldn''t shatter like glass
In a perfect world........
There's no such thing as a perfect world.

You waltzed into my life
A spark in my world
And I dreamed.....
But I dram too much.
In a flash like a comet
You will be gone.
Why? i whisper...Why?
You are perfect
That is the reason why.

Window which you can't see;
You smile
You laugh
I watch you through
The window you can't see

Your sweet
Your wild
We are on differnet sides of
The window which you can't see

Your leaving
I am staying
I want to walk through
The window which you can't see

So that it becomes
The window that you can see.


wow the creations I come up with when I am bored at work.

Willy the security guard gave me his phone number today. I
think he's sweet on me. He is always looking and smiling at
me and calling me darling. He is a cutie pie and he's a
sweetie. He always helps me when I need it. But I want
Stuart so badly!!!