chaoticxpression

my simple small world
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Ezoic
2002-10-06 02:57:00 (UTC)

....last nite..

Last nite....was, a taste of perfection...
And I knew from the start.....everything, was just going to
lead to heartache....
And I still think it will....but I don't want it to...
*****
This is the first time in my life I feel blinded to the
future.I don't know if it's intriging or incredably nerve
racking.....I honestly don't know...
I can go slow, I can do that......I can do everything I can
to make the feel of touch mean something, and last....
I can really try to provide security to prove I won't run,
or leave the second things turn serious find a reason to go
away...I can, I want to, I will.....if I am allowed the
chance....
But that's the thing I don't know about....
If there is a chance....if there is no chance, I am once
more torturing myself...I've been in this situation before,
but never EVER have I felt this way about it...it's scarey
but it makes me wonder...
I feel so indifferent, I'd do anything, just to look into
those eyes again, to see those eyes looking into mine.
This isn't like me....this isn't like me....
I've had all this emotion of being alone built up...between
the ah....scenario with mr.heroine addict...(RAGE), and
just looking into the past, and seeing myself, more and
more unhappy as the days go by...
I hide it well enough though...but still...
I'm just so mixed up inside.....nothing is assured, and
that's not comforting...
what do I want? (nothing, nothing to me is EVERYTHING, and
not in a meaningless sense)I don't want to know what's
gonna happen..
But I wanna see.....what everything I felt was about....
if nothing, I'll survive............
............
if something will come of it.....(then I'll tell you what
happens then...)


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