Jay

Thoughts in the Confused
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Ezoic
2000-10-30 18:14:38 (UTC)

Ok, this is a fresh day. I am..

Ok, this is a fresh day. I am at work and I would rather
be somewhere else, but what is new. I am talking to a
really good friend of mine right now. She just sent me a
funny message about cats. We are having a casual chat
about nothing really. Trying to figure out why we confuse
each other. We just do not confuse each other, it is a
complete what the hell are you talking about confusion.

Anyway, it is Monday morning. I got one more day
to Halloween and that should be fun. I am not sure why
but I really like Halloween. It is just a lot of fun. I
got a Jason mask that bleeds so this should be fun. I
like giving out candy on Halloween and giving the kids a
good scare.
So since I am considering this my first real
entry, I will recap this weekend. Well, Friday night
was my mom's Halloween/karaoke party. It was a blast.
Had good people over and good drinking and some good
singing. The only thing that kind of bummed me was one of
my friends could not come. It is making me think for some
reason he does not like hanging with me to much anymore.
I do not know if this is true; I do not know what to think
ever. I sort of hinted at such things but he, Jim seemed
to deny it. It just seems he does not put me in the same
group as his good friends. I know this is probably
bull, but I am a weirdo so there. I will get over it.
Otherwise, back to the party, I had Josh over and
that was fun. We had a pretty good time. He was acting
the same as always. He was touchy/feelly,
but that was nothing new. The surprise was that Becky
came over with Evie. It was last minute, they called and
said they eanted to know if they could over. I thought
hey this is cool. So they came over, but me, being the
dope forgot to tell them they could grab some grub here.
I am such an idiot sometimes but notyhing new. So they
came over and we talked and stuff and had a good time.
Then karaoke time came and Josh and I were the DJs. We
lined up tunes and sung a lot ourselves. We got
Becky and Evie singing too. It was really a blast. The
night started to slow down around 1 am; everybody had gone
except for my friends. We preceeded to play around in the
living room and kitchen like we were twelve instead of
twenties but we had fun. Then around 1:30 Becky and Evie
deciced they best be going. I was going to ask them if
they wanted to spend the night but did not not. I figured
that they would turn it down. So that was that.
Well, I talked to Backy on IM a little later and
she told me she would of spent the night but I did not say
anything and neither did she.
It was not a big deal. We are just friends anyway. Well,
then I called her and we talked til about 5 am.
I talked to her the next day and she told me she
had to tell me something, and that it might hurt me. Ok,
I was thinking this is never good so I said go ahead.
Well, she told me she had been dating a guy that goes to
another school. And that it was going bad. She then
explains that the reason she was telling me this now and
not when it happened was that back in the summer I
told her that I liked her and she did not have the same
feelings. We are good friends and that was it, but she
thought it would really hurt me. Ok, I would not of
rejoiced, but I would of been ok. What hurt was that
she did not tell me. That is what made me the most
upset. I told her that and that I just wish she would of
told me. She said she felt bad. I think we are
over it for now. I am jealous, but that is fine, since I
do not know what I want. I am not sure if I ever will. I
swear the hardest thing in life is getting to know
yourself and what you really want and how you really
feel. If I could get this down the rest would be cake,
guess that is everyones wish.

Til later.


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