Str8 Girl, Interrupted

Quitting Jobs and Racist Bastards....

So, it’s 9:30… a little early for me to be updating, but
hey…it’s all good!

I quit my job today. Yay for that! Those racists bastards
don’t deserve me on their payroll. So, in case you’re
wondering what happened…here goes. I got up for work ON
TIME ( I went out last night) and got in my car and what a
surprise. I was outta gas! DAMN!! So, I had to take
Marc’s car to fill my gas can up, so naturally I was a few
minutes late (ten, to be exact). I get to our assigned
room, which is posted on the wall, and by god…all the seats
are taken. The honorable last seat was taken by a black
girl who had came in the same time as I had. So, I asked
the lady what I should do, I mean, c’mon it’s only only my
second week. She was like, “find a seat and start dialing”…
I was like, “ummm…all the seats are taken”. She looks
around and gives me this look that if I hadn’t been at
work, she would’ve been slapped…for real! “If you wouldn’t
have been late, this wouldn’t have been a problem”, she
tells me with so much attitude I wish I had a knife to stab
her with. Then she precedes to “lecture” me about the
importance of being on time…this “lecture” was the
loudest “lecture” I’ve ever heard. It made me feel like
less of a person… I don’t deserve that. Finally, she
tells me to go to the room next door. So, I go there…while
walking over I was really shocked, I mean…good lord…did I
deserve that?? I walked into the room and it’s almost
empty, with no team leader (they are supposed to help you
with problems) and all the people in there have been there
a few months AND on different surveys. I just sat down and
stared off into space for awhile…still overwhelmed with
what had just happened and outta the blue, I just grabbed
my stuff…put it all back and walked out. Didn’t think
twice and didn’t get upset.

I went to Chris’ and spent the day over there. It was nice
to just be with him. I miss that about us…Just being able
to spend time together alone. He’s been really great with
all the dramas in my life. I really appreciate him.

Now, here I sit…waiting for Marc to come home, so I can
tell him. I’m a little bit scared of his reaction. I’ve
been outta work for so long (almost two months) and I went
and quit this job too after two weeks. He’s gonna be
pissed. I guess, all he can really do is be mad and kick
me out. I don’t think he would do that, but……..I wouldn’t
blame him if he did. I wouldn’t want to put up with me.
I’m miserable all the time and I’m too much trouble. I
would’ve kicked me to the curb by now…He’s been tolerable,
for sure. So, my fate is pretty much in limbo… I hope he
understands.

Josh is mad at me. I told him I would go over to his mom’s
for his sister’s birthday party, but I bailed on him. I
told him I had to do laundry, which I didn’t end up doing…I
know I’m horrible. I never said I was perfect. He’s all
mad at me… I don’t know what to do to make him understand I
didn’t think it was such a big deal to him, or I would’ve
gone. I hope he gets over it soon.

So, Chris wants Marc and I to move with him…somewhere…
anywhere but here. I suggested Boston. He said, “that’s
fine”. LOL I told him we should discuss it with Marc. I
know Marc and I have been dreaming about going for so long
now. Just leaving everything and everybody and going, but
to actually do it is another story. It’s another scary
thing I don’t know how to face. I just talk of it and
never have real intentions of doing it. Although, it’s
something that would be so cool and different and to gain
those experiences would be priceless, it’s just so
frightening. All that change at once, would be so much to
deal with and handle…gosh I don’t even wanna think about
it.

Change scares me, in case you haven’t caught that by now…
I’m afraid…to change, to let people change…it’s a really
big downfall of mine. I just want things to stay the
same. I’ve always been like that. Adjusting is too much
work. Well, enough babbling for tonight…g’nite.