my life
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2001-07-31 03:37:12 (UTC)

Mon 7-30

its a little after 11 pm and im sitting in the hotel room.
i didnt get to get on last night bc the only phone jack in
our new room is in my parents room and they wouldnt let me
use it. nothing interesting happened yesterday. we went to
the flea market and i got a sarong. we came back, went to
the beach and then watched some movies (finding forester
and casper--makes me cry everytime). today i woke up at
12:30, and hung out at the beach most of the day. i got a
lot of sun today. we went to dinner and then ran by the
mall. mom bought me a throw pillow that goes with my bed
stuff, so that was pretty cool.

i talked to caleb for a little tonight. he was in a really
bad mood and wouldnt really tell me why. he kept arguing
with me, it was awful. he was asking about the concert,
like he doesnt want to go. he says he doesnt want me to
drive back to gville that night, and i told him i dont have
anywhere to stay. he said i could stay with him or he would
buy me a hotel room. i dont know what is going to happen.
right now im not even sure he is going to go. i guess ill
just have to wait and see. he mentioned something about
goign to the beach on saturday, which may be fun. i guess
we will see about that too. i just hope he gets into a
better mood before i see him. i would really love to spend
the night at his house friday night so we could hang out
all day and i wouldnt have to worry about driving home that
night. but i doubt he will offer to do that. he is really
getting on my nerves now, and i kind of told him that
tonight. he acts like he is my best friend one day and then
he just acts so completely mad at me the next. it is so
annoying. ugh. . . anyways.

santino called last night wanting to come here today and
hang out. i didnt answer the phone and then today, when i
talked to him online, i told him that my phone wasnt
working. im not really in the mood to hang out with him
right now.

no luck in the guy department, either. i havent met a
single guy. there was a cute boy with a british accent in
the pool today, but he didnt talk to me. im such a dork. i
am so tired of being me. why cant i just turn into someone
else. i dont really know who else. i cant think of anyone
i would rather be, just someone other than me. that is
really pathetic, i guess.

i hate that i am so excited to see caleb. i miss him a
lot, but i hate that too. i wish i could just get over
him. i know he likes someone else, and im just giving him
someone to kiss sometimes (and free concert tix). but, i
guess i have to have him part of my life, regardless of the
role he plays. i really hope that he gets into a better
mood and we have as much fun friday as we did last friday.
ugh, i hate that all i write about in here is caleb. i hate
that he takes up wthis much of my time and thoughts and
energy. sometimes i think that i should just forget about
him and never talk to him again. that way, if i dont talk
to him, i will eventually get over him. but i just could
not stand to not talk to him everyday. thats why i lost
all that weight when i didnt talk to him for a week and a
half. i hate that he has this power over me. i hate so
much about him, but i still love him to death. ugh. . .

ok, im going to go now. i dont really have anything else
to talk about other than caleb, and im tired of typing his
name. ta ta!

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