lil_skippyz

The Only Person Left Standing is You
2002-10-05 02:47:13 (UTC)

Knowing why my life is dysfunctional all of a sudden

I've not been feeling myself. Feeling kinda low and sad
and introspective...and I think I know why-it has to be
PMS I'm doing the math and thinking....yeah it's about
that time and also I've been working weird and late hours
and not getting regular and enough sleep which always
makes me weird anyway. I usally get like this so I should
know not to take any of the things I feel too seriously
and know that eventually it was all wane away once I get
back onto a reg. sleep pattern. Somehow I don't feel like
a quite fit it with my new freinds there great and loyal,
funny and smart, good kind hearted woman that are good for
me...yet I know I am the different one I am the only
single one which sometimes makes me feel weird if before I
was lonley and wishing I had someone to call my own than
now I'm totally emersed in it and surrounded by it 1/2 my
roomates have boyfreinds all my new freinds do and while
none of them exculde me and make me feel like a walking
freak bc I'm single-deep down no matter what I know I am
different and when your my age in my enviorment there is
nothing less you want to be than different all you want to
be is normal and like everyone else you socialize with and
this goes beyond the whole teen agnst thing with high
school...it kinda has too were not in high school but on
those night when everyone has there handsome, wonderful,
charming man coming up and visting or they have planned a
nice date night and romantic evening it's implied that you
will be gone so they can be alone...I mean can you imagine
if they tried to be intimate and romantic with each other
and....*your* there just kinda....hanging around. Which
you know dosn't really bother anyone else they have there
significant others to be with and cuddle with and etc. and
when there all off paired 2 by 2 and your 1 with....0 it
leaves you feeling lonley and dare I say...a little
pathetic. Sure I'm working tonight long hours so at least
it gives me something to do so it dosn't look like I'm
sitting in my room all alone watching old movies in my
tatty PJ's with my bowl of light popcorn and diet soda.
But shouldn't I be out living it up in skantily clad
outfits rubbing my butt in some guys crotch-getting wasted
and making out with random boys I meet at frat parties and
bars? You know making the most of my youth like all the
other girls around here. I'm sitting at the 24 hour desk
awsering phone calls and checking in those skantily clad,
drunk girls. At the end of the night when all my freinds
go to bed with someone to cuddle-the one they love the
most I will enter my dark emty room and climb into my cold
single bed and fall asleep and dream that I when I wake up
Jamie(hi-me) will be standing in my door way with his sexy 1/2
smile and bashfully say he came here to suprise me bc he
missed me and hey lets do something together. So you can
see how this is sorry, sad little problem that has palgued
me ever since I fell in love with him 4 years ago and even
longer since I 1st had my 1st crush. I just keep telling
myself to keep a positive attitude and put trust in the
Lord he will do the rest.




Ad: