2001-07-30 19:51:53 (UTC)

Spiral perspective

Well, I got to spend the weekend with Protestah, and I must
say-- she was WONDERFUL! We were together from Friday
evening until Sunday evening, and I was completely unable
to take my eyes or my thoughts off of her. I tried to make
user that there was some kind of phyical contact between us
at all times-- from holding her hand and hugging her while
was danced to keeping my hand under her beautiful, long
hair while she slept. I had such trouble falling to sleep,
though, simply because I wanted to watch her while she was
sleeping. It amazes me how much more beutiful she seems to
me every time I see her. While she was cuddled up on my
shoulder sleeping, I had time to hink about what I was
doing to this wonderful little angel-- and I felt horrible.
She deserves so much better, and if I can't give it to her,
then I'm going to let her go to someone else who can.

I need to see Starfish sometime this week so I can explain
to her what's going on in my head. She deserves to know as
well as anyone else-- I'm guilty of mistreating her just as
I'm guilty of mistreating Protestah... and, contrary to
what you may believe, I DO feel regret in my heart.

Now comes the decision--- do I know that things will work
with Protestah well enough to not have my eye (or any other
parts of me) wondering again; thus making a fully committed
relationship with her my goal (meaning that she would have
to know about all the other "experiences"-- i.e

Anyone with an idea/notion/opinion== I could really
use 'em now..