Meshed Up
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2002-10-04 02:51:30 (UTC)

attempt to make someone heard

some people think i'm stupid. an airhead. or whatever else
there is out there.

it's a bit annoying to think about but then again, who
gives a damn? i shouldn't let such comments bother me
anymore. i should just be comfortable about who i am, and
well, not let anybody change the way i think of myself.

easier said than done of course.

well i honestly don't think i'm smart. the marks i get in
uni are average marks, i never really stood out in
anything. ever since i was born, i was always the quiet
girl whom a number of people misunderstood in school.
outside of school, well that might be a different story.
there must be two sides of me: the quiet side (which
appears inside the campus), and the friendlier side
(appears outside campus).

hehe. well i doubt i'm socially intelligent either. i just
try to be as nice as possible, as understanding and as
attentive as possible. it gets people talking.

but one thing i hold that perhaps some other people don't
are my ideals. i have a feeling i'm one idealistic person.
idealistic in the sense that i just want everything, or
specifically, society to be perfect. i want equality of
everything and everyone. i don't want conflicts, don't want
discrimination, don't want social status...just peace and
harmony really. communism perhaps? communism hasn't proven
its worth yet...but somehow, deep down inside me, i prefer
that sort of government to the capitalist one. some people
have told me communism will never work because it doesn't
take into account that humans are humans. humans will
always be greedy, will always want more...communism only
gives you exactly what you need and humans won't be
satisfied with that.

but for me, it doesn't really matter if you only get
exactly what you need. what's important is that everybody
gets what they need. it's better than having some people
acquire a lot of luxuries in life, while others starve
because they don't have enough money to buy a single piece
of bread.

humans are so selfish that sometimes it gets to me. they
just want everything for themselves and don't really care
about the plight of others. you mind your own business and
i mind my own. why can't we learn to set aside our
individualism and work together for the good of the

why do people scoff at drivers, or construction workers
simply because they feel that these people are not as smart
as the engineers who designed the cars and the buildings?
if one gets a team of engineers to build a building
themselves, will they be able to do it?

everybody plays a part. if every farmer stops tilling the
ground because of the injustice being done upon them each
day, we would have no food. if every bus driver stops
driving people because their children are ashamed of their
job, then commuters will not be able to go to work. these
manual workers are the backbone of our society. who cares
about computers if you don't even have a house to stay in
because every construction worker decides to become a
computer guy to have a larger salary?

i never was politically active, especially here in
australia which i don't look at as home. i would always
think of listening to a marxist forum but never got around
to doing it. back home, i was slightly more active...but
never really was. wish i was though. wish i had become an
activist and updated myself regularly with politics. i wish
i had cared more.

i don't think sir menguin totally agrees with me. chel, a
friend of mine, might. my fellow communist. lol. well, not
totally. but we both believe in the system.

communism has its flaws of course. like, greedy officials
or a corrupt government. but hey, every system suffers from
that. democracy has within itself loads and loads of

i suppose in my mind, i picture everybody to be nice,
sympathetic, and perhaps...perfect. the government will
take what is rightfully theirs, give to the people what is
rightfully theirs, and there would be no complaints and no
uprisings. everybody would work together, there would be no
class, no social status, no nothing.

i'm crazy. i imagine heaven to be like that. everyone is
equal. everyone is happy.

on a final note, someone told me something that i like.
nothing to do with the entry...just a quote i leave for
people who, like me, like quotes.

'my love is like an onion which you peel layer after layer
after layer until all that's left is the core: pure and