marinabreeze

as the Oval turns
2001-07-30 16:21:33 (UTC)

1am

I can't believe I broke down and talked to Pacey until
after 1am in the morning, especially knowing I had to get
up at 7 for an 8:30 class. Although I'm the one that cut
the conversation short, I'm still kind of mad at myself. I
mean, right now it's a little after 11:30 am...I betcha ol'
punk Broke Pacey who has the day off of work today is still
asleep at his crib. I'm done with my classes and waiting
until my afternoon shift at work. Last time I worked
(Thursday), the supervisor that went off on me the day
before wasn't there-maybe he needed a day off to calm his
nerves. But my luck I'm sure I'll see him today. I just
didn't appreciate how that crap went down. It didn't have
to happen that way...but fortunately I just have to suck it
up for 4 more weeks. It's like I told Pacey yesterday,
I'll be okay. Honestly, though, I want to be done with
today so I can take a nap. I don't care, I need to be
disciplined and get to bed early.
I think I mentioned this before, but on Friday I'm going
down to Cinci to see Jenna, which will be cool. I slipped
and told Pacey the other day about it, and he wanted to
know the details. Well, on one hand I don't want to see
his face, b/c I don't like how he is. On the other hand, I
wonder if, considering that he wanted to know the 411 plus
he only lives 10 minutes away from Jenna, and he has a car,
that he'll make the effort to see me or do something with
me. My guess is that he'll expect me to seek him out, and
since I won't, he won't either, and he'll call himself
being mad and dumb-acting the week after when we go on the
Cedar Point trip. But it'll be his fault b/c he's not a
man above making an effort (although at times I'm sure he
thinks he is). It's like I told my roommate C and my next-
door neighbor "Nichelle", it doesn't make any sense to have
to go through all that for a friendship. Pacey and I are
not together and never have been, but no friendship should
have as much drama and bullshit (eml) as we have had the
past year and a half. I told Nichelle that I don't
understand what Pacey's problem is. It's like this: he
says he doesn't like me like that-fine, he says he's not
interested in me-fine, he says he just wants us to be
friends-fine. But it's like one day he wants to be all
tight-acting w/me and on my tip and the next day he's all
running to Esther or somebody else saying that I need to
get of his jock. He wants me to give him space and not
depend on him but when I don't give him two bits of a
thought guess who's trying to knock down my IM, or when
he's in Columbus, giving me a ring or coming up to me?
Hmmm. I'm glad I don't have a pager or a cell b/c
something tells me that if I ignored Pacey he'd blow that
up too. I'm sorry, he can't have it all. I guess my
biggest issue w/ol' BP is a lack of consistency, which I
think comes from the fact that he's still trying to find
himself.
I know that when I go down to Cedar Point I'll be riding
with Pacey...2 hours there, 2 hours back, possibly in the
car alone with him...oh my goodness. I don't want him to
get on my last bit o' nerves, or somehow we find a way to
annoy the crap out of each other. Oh joy...the strangest
thing is, though, part of me is actually looking forward to
it :)