mental illness, yes it is real..

Where do i turn to ?????

I just reaad lisa's last 2 posts to her journal, She is in
love with me, and Yes i do believe that, but she is fallin
deeper and deeper into her depression, and that is makin me
get just more depressed, and I can no longer afford my
medicines both anti-anxiety and anti-depressent, I dont
know where to turn. I wnat the lisa that i met back, how do
i get her back ??? I havwe a major hang-up about money, I
cant deal with not bei8n able to pay bills and lisa knows
this, i have left it all in her hands, just another cop-out
on my part. she dont need to be dealin with all the
household problems, but I am never here, thanks to work and
visiting my kids.
I think it totally sucks that i am dumping on her like
this, but I cant cope either, and just as she is at the end
of her rope, im not very far from the end of mine.
I was already hospitalized in beginning of this yr for a
mental breakdown, and im not far from bein back there. I
want to see everyone happy, and im being nothing but a
failure on that. I cant be with my kids when they want me
to be, i cant be with lisa or her kids when they want me to
be, and i have to work ot every week just to be able to
almost keep bills caught up. AND im not keepin bills caught
up either, like i said, ot is to almost keep it caught up.
Will someone please tell me where i can find a cfp that
will be willing to work for the kindness of their heart in
order ot help someone who despritly needs financial help.
Lisa is now feelin pressurerd into getting married,
because of tax issues. If we arent married b4 the end of
the yr, I am gonna be totally screwed in taxes, due to the
early withdrawals that i have been making from my ira, in
order to keep bills almost caught up.
Today, after lisa left to get the kids, i had a bottle of
pills in my hand , ready to od, but, i am nothing more than
a spineless jerk who couldnt do it.
Facts are men are more likely to complete a suicide threat
than women, but I still dont think i could do it .
Will someone please help me ????
i need a financial planner and some mental help quickly...
this is what i believe is my longest entry, and i need too
be givin feedback PLEASE someone help !