jenabean

die wreck shun

i have nothing to say, but i still feel obligated to write
something in here anyhoo. life is ever so complicated as
of late. there are so many decisions to be made. i can't
bear being the foundation for evey plan made and taken. so
much responsiblity that is not even necessary for my own
existence and need. why do i take in so many lil fish?
when does the trying stop and the living begin? once again
my eyes are blinded by another's eyes and after all that i
worked towards, to be more conscientious about these sorts
of things, i have failed myself. i have failed myself
because the needs of others prevail over my own, and that
is fine - for now. how badly will i let myself be burned
this time? the lil sparks and finger burns are an
acceptable part of life, but i can't handle an all out
blaze like the last one. those kinds of scars never heal,
they stay around for a lifetime of reminders of those past
mistakes that you can never live down or fully forgive
yourself for. i don't know how to examine the warning
signs to ascertain if i am taking a risk that could turn
out well or that could be disasterous. perhaps that is why
it is called a RISK........