My Heart and Soul....
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2002-10-03 02:52:50 (UTC)

I love my friends....

I have to get this off my chest: I love my friends!! I
really do love all of them SO much. We had to do our Senior
Will and Testament...and it really made me see how much I
have to say to all the people that have made my life so
amazing thus far. There are so many things that I wanted to
say, and there just wasn't enough space. SO...here is my
permanent reminder to ALL my friends EVERYWHERE that I love
them more than anything. It's great to have a bad day, and
know that people will come over and wake me up, just to tell
me they love me....even if I am a lil bit of a bitch to them.

Homecoming was so great! I got LOTS of pics, and even MORE
memories. It really was one of those things that will
always stick with you. I can't believe that it's really our
senior year. It's so sad in some ways, but so great in
others. I've become such great friends with like 90% of my
class. Which if you asked me 6 months ago, I would have said
not a chance. I still miss my girls that moved away....it
was tough to be doing all this senior year stuff, and not
have them here to share it. But I know that they are always
going to be just a phone call or an e-mail away, and that
makes me happy...

However....on top of all the good stuff...things are down
once in a while. Sunday marked my being single for 8 months.
I don't want to sound like I rely on relationships for my
happiness...but that last few guys have been such a huge
part of me....I miss having phone calls and e-mails to look
forward to. You know how that is. But I know that things
will get better.....I hope. There are a couple guys that I
like. One of them...I don't see it happening...just because
he goes to SS, and you know how I am about dating guys from
my school...the whole reputation and grape-vine thing. I
haven't had to deal with that since like 9th grade...so I
dunno how well I would handle it. The other guy...I hardly
know. I mean I know him fairly well...enough to know that I
like him....but he happens to be the EX of a very good
friend of mine. And my close friends tell me that would
never work. It doesn't change what I feel....but I think it
changes how I react to those feelings. I guess I will wait
and see. The right person always seems to come into my life
at the right times.

The other bad news...for the people who keep up with me...my
eating thing...it's just not working. I cannot force myself
to eat or to keep things down. I just have this HUGE fear of
being fat. I know a couple people can relate to that. It's
just so hard. Because as much as guys will deny it and tell
me it's stupid....people notice a size 5 a lot faster than
they notice a size 12(which is what I used to be, and ask me
how many bf's I had when I was that size.) I hate to sound
shallow...and there's that whole thing that if a guy
wouldn't like you if you were a size 12, then why should he
have the privlege of being your boyfriend just cause you are
a size 7 or 5. But thats the ropes...and until I find some
other way to get around it. I know, I know...there are
healthier ways to go about it. True. But with my
metabolism...even eating healthy doesn't work. It's just not
in my genes. I'm sorry. I know it dissapoints people. I'm
trying, and I guess thats all I can ask of myself....

OK...it's late, and I'm a little tired, and I have to go to
school on time tomorrow so I can get some research for Law
done. (I love the class, I love the subject area...I HATE
the work it requires.) Welcome to real life, huh, Jenn? BLAH

Ok..so REMEMBER...if you are reading this, it must mean you
are my friend, and that means I love you....mostly because
you put up with my CRAZY, QUIRKY self...which deserves a
medal, cause I am pretty crazy sometimes.

Big Kisses to all of you...

All My Love,