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2002-10-03 02:25:59 (UTC)

Good Day... Sorta

Well... school was interesting. Epecially 1st prd Health.
We had a class discussion (AAAAAND A SERVEY!!!) about the
reproductive system. The first question on the survey
was "Does a man's body build affect the length or duration
of erectibility of his penis?" It was great... The rest of
school passed slooooowly but I survived. I saw Brian
today. Twice this morning... but he didnt stop and talk to
me. One of these days I'm gonna get the courage to talk to
him. Today wasn't that day. I wanna ask him to Santa
Switch but I'm afraid he'll say no. Josh (Ramsey), the
hottest guy I have ever seen, actually said two words to me
today. A VAST improvement from the usual silence and
awkward glances between us. He said, and I quote "Excuse
me." hahahaha... I'm such a skerd! I had speech a/s. Nothin
special. My poetry is going to be on fear, and my duo sux
major ass but I can work on it. BAD THING HAPPENED TODAY!!!
Kyle found out my real age. (He's 19) He just flat out
asked if I was a freshman. I had no choice but to tell the
truth. It was pretty awkward. I tried to avoid the convo as
much as possible but it didn't work and I ended up tellin
him I'm a stupid freshman. (he asked my age too and I had
to tell him) I really hate being a damn greenie SO bad. I
don't fit in with most of the class (except for Tara and
Steph) because they all act like little children. Ky (yes i
call him Ky) says he doesn't mind the age thing because I
don't act my age. I hope he will still come see me before
he leaves for the military. That will be a very... exciting
time, I HOPE. I hate when people judge me by my frickin
age... I'm not like all these little 14 year olds. Why do I
have to be classified with them??? GRRRRRRR! (N/S) I
miss my Shawn so much. I see him every day but I miss him
being MINE. I know in my heart he is mine, and he will
always be mine, but to know that I love him so much and to
be afraid that it is in vain, brings me to tears everytime
i think of it. He will be my husband. I know he will. And I
know he loves me, but it is so hard to feel it when it's
not shown. He stopped coming by my locker. I hate it when
he does this. He's changed so much over the last year and a
half. He seems to be moving on, because we can't be
together now. But... he can't move on!!! He can't because
I'm not! I love him too much... I try to talk to him, but
he's not THERE like he used to be. He'll listen sometimes
if I have something I need to talk to him about, but he
isnt really feeling the convo's we have. Ohh... what do I
do? I want my love to be MY LOVE. Even though we can't be
a "couple" right now, we can be the closest thing to it. I
want him to be my best friend... why is he drifting away?
Well... I'm gonna run! I have to solve someone else's
problems! Until tomorrow... ~MuAz*

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