angelface119

My Reality
Ad 2:
2002-10-02 23:32:53 (UTC)

Why am i so fucking stupid?

im so tired of being treated like absolute crap by guys. i
dont deserve this at all. preston has got to be the
biggest ass i have ever met and he seems to think he is
worthy of a hallo. I dont know why i fall for it
everytime. i convince myself that i can deal with it and
that he will be the kind of guy he should be instead of the
guy he is and all i ever get in return is my heart broken.
i am so tired of being used and stepped on and taken for
granted. i miss "J" like crazy and it hurts so much right
now, bc i try and move on like i know right now we cant be
together so i should go about my merry little way but it
doesnt work that way at all. i still tell really hot guys
that ask me out that i am seeing someone i still feel like
i am taken and i still feel like the luckiest girl in the
world bc i still feel taht he is mine, though techincally
he was never mine to begin with.
im so tired of prestons shit. he accuses me of fucking
other guys all the time and dating lots of ppl and god
knows what else when the truth of the matter is i do a
whole lot of nothing with the opposite sex. i havent been
a date in god knows how long, and i havent kissed anyone
for months. other than him.
but he gives me one little compliment and suddenly i am
putty in his hands its so nice to finally have his
acceptance and approval that i just leap at the fact that
for that brief moment he likes me. and it just pisses me
off, we spent five hours talking last night, and most of it
was sexual. he was really horny so he was of course being
nice to me. i dont know why but we could have i probably
would have had sex with him last night. i just miss being
important to somene and i miss being held and being loved
and being made to feel important i miss romance and i miss
laughing and i miss just being totally at ease with
someone. i miss JOSH. i cant take this much longer. why
is it that the man that treats me with love and respect and
who really makes me happy leaves and the one who treats me
like crap always stays around. why is it that preston can
fuck me but he would rather shoot himself in the head
before he would ever be my boyfriend.


Ad:2