Zara

Zara
2001-07-30 05:44:41 (UTC)

My Life

I have decided today to make a diay online. It feels weird
that I want other people to know about my life.

Currently my life is in a bit of a mess. It is not as bad
as it has been in the past but it is bad enough for me to
want to write about it.

I moved to Sydney about 7 weeks ago and things just keep
happening. I am working (which is a positive thing) but I
need more hours and my boss keeps cutting them. I tried to
explain to him, because he is the father of one of my best
friends but he won't listen. I did score a 12 hour shift
tommorow which is a surprise but I hate the way that I
don't know what shifts I will be working and when. It is
almost like he takes it for granted that I can be there for
him whenever he wants me too but he can cut my shifts
whenever he feels like it. And it's so not fair. I didn't
like the conversation we had a few days ago where he told
me to go to centrelink and give them, a medical certificate
saying that I am mentally unfit for work. That really
pissed me off. I have had a lot of hardships in my life,
but I am as mentally stable as I ever was. It really hurt
and I know that my boss was doing it for his benefit. I
have not gone to centrelink, I just am looking for more
work. I have come too far to give in.I think he is
breathing a sigh of relief because I havent brought the
subject up again since. I am working there until I find
something better.

My love life sucks too. I wanted to go out with Stuart
soooo much. I gave him my phone number and waited and
waited for him to call (if he would've given me his phone
number I would've rang him) he finaly called and we went
out. It was a dream come true. Stuart is an englishman, and
he seemed so dreamy. He was like my prince charming. I
guess all dreaming has to end sometime. The date we had was
fine until I decided to go home with him. I ended up in bed
with him, which I never intended on doing (I had drunk
quite a lot of alcochol) and I guess that destroyed
everything. You never seem to think of these things until
it is too late. But anyway I havent heard from him since. I
want to call him, just to finalise thigs and I prbably will
but it is hard. I feel so stupid. Arran is a sweetie. he is
one of my male friends who has decided that he doesn't want
a relationship with me, but he wants " Physical closesness"
I have no idea about what to do here. He has gone away for
2 weeks to brissy, and I am left to think about it. I
really need a proper relationship. I am torn between the
thought of a no hold bars sexual relationship and wanting a
proper relationship. It sucks. I need someone who is as
deep as I am, I need someone who is strongheaded and who
can handle me when I am out of line. I do have a short fuse
at times. Where on earth do you find guys in Sydney? There
are so many guys around. It's just on big mess. I would
like to be on the outside of it all, but I am right in the
volcano mouth. Lucky me. As always.

If this isn't bad enough I have a flatmate who is okay
sometimes but at other times he is a pain in the ass.He is
a nit picker and he rubs me the wrong way deliberately. I
guess I should've known before I moved in with him. I have
moved in with him before. Silly me thought it would be
differnet this time. Now that I am older (I was sixteen way
back then, 3 years ago) I thought that he would lay off me
a bit. I am not noisy (usually) I don't throw parties in
the flat I pay my rent on time (except for last week
because I really screwed up financially - another one of my
problems) He nit picks so badly. And he lied to me about my
cat. And that just pisses me right off. I love my cat
Jackson. I have had him for so long and I was told by my
flatmate that I could keep him. Now I get told the other
day that I can't keep him, "I'm oh so
sorry..."...Bastard!!!! I love my cat to the point where
giving him up is unbearable. I am trying to find a cattery
so that I can figure out what to do. The most sensible
thing to do is to move. Where the hell am I going to get
the bond money?????? At times like this it would be so easy
to just throw in the towel and say stuff it!! But I am not
going to do that. I refuse to do that. I did ring the
catteries around my area and the cheapest i can get is $11
a day... $ 77 a week. Ouch. I know there is a cattery in
faulconbridge. I think it is cheaper there. about $8 a day.
I have to do something about it soon.If I had it my way the
cat would stay right where he is, comfortable under my
blankets in my bed where he often sleeps. It upsets me
knowing that soon there will be no Jackson to come home to,
no miowing in the middle of the night waking me up just to
say hello I want food and no comfort of a cat to cuddle up
to when everything goes wrong. My cat has been there for me
when no one else was. I will never forget that. Cats are
wonderful creatures especially my Jackson. I guess it makes
me the more determined to find a way to keep him. One of my
friends said to me the other day " You knew that you had to
give him up sometime" well no I didn't know that and I will
do everything in my power to keep him. Some people dont'
understand the connection between special pets and people.
Everyone should have a pet and the rules in flats about no
pets is ridiuclous. I can understand the point being that
pets create smell but they can also be the line between
hope and giving up. I know this all too well.
Zara