HeyDooder

GayDood
2002-10-02 14:23:30 (UTC)

Halloween costume review.

Okay,
I just ran ever so quickly through MSN.com's review of the
Top 10 Picks for Men's Halloween Costumes this year...and I
have to say, overall, that there are gonna be some damn
boring people wearing boring costumes THIS year!
Let us review the picks:
10. ZOOLANDER
Perfect! Let's dress as an anonymous supermodel from a
movie that sucks more than I do! (and I can suck!) ...
Chances are, nobody's even going to realize you are wearing
a costume. They will think you just got off of work late
from some ecclectic advertising firm...all this, because I
think three people actually paid money to see Zoolander...
9. HANNIBAL LECTER
Ah! No costume gives off the phrase 'Keep the fuck away
from me or I'll bite your head off...literally' than that
of Hannibal Lecter. Hannibal the Cannibal, who seems to
have even put Charles Manson to shame in his fictitious
legacy since "Silence of the Lambs" hit the big screen, is
sure to be the life of the party! Just imagine, everyone
will be talking about YOU...from the other side of the
room. And there's not a damn thing you can do about it,
cuz you'll be strapped to a gurney with half a hockey-mask
belted to your face! I'm tempted...
8. THE VILLAGE PEOPLE
Okay, granted the 'gay sensationalism' of the Village
People is sure to spark interest from more breeders at any
given Halloween party...but in NYC, it is commonplace for
guys to raid their closets and take out such attire, and
wear it on the street for Halloween, so originality is
definitely NOT there. On the upswing, you probably own the
appropriate garb.
7. DRACULA
Blah, blah, blah...Dracula. The most ORIGINAL of all
Halloween costumes. If you do it right, it's gonna cost
some money. If you don't and you wear the slick black
hair, the white face, and the plastic fangs, you will look
no different than you did when you wore this in the second
grade. Do it right!...or don't do it at all...the downside
is that if you DO do it right, nobody will even realize you
are wearing a costume.
6. WILSON FROM 'HOME IMPROVEMENT'
I don't even have the strength to comment on this highly-
unoriginal, boring, and uninventive costume that takes more
energy to explain to everyone who asks 'What the hell are
you supposed to be?"...and then just doesn't get it anyway.
5. GLADIATOR
Actually, here's one that I DO like! The ONLY one on the
list that I like...wear it like the movie, guys! Sure,
it'll be cold, but wear the micro-togas and the strappy
sandals and I guarantee you will NOT be going home alone on
Halloween...
4. SPIDERMAN
Alright! Ya got me! Here's another that's okay...that I
actually like. Another tried and true guys...as long as ya
got the bod for it. Nothing like seeing the outline of a
guy in a superhero outfit, and not knowing his true
identity! I'LL take ya home! Just make sure that mask is
STILL on in the morning!
3. THE GRINCH
If I even brushed up against someone dressed as the fuzzy
green Grinch, I would feel like I would need to wash! On
the plus side though, I hear his heart (on) grows really
big if ya sing "Yahoo Doray!" Major snaps to anyone who
attempts THIS costume!
2. THE MUMMY
Hmmm....I bet you're gonna wonder why everyone wants YOU to
come along when they have to go to the bathroom. Highly
unoriginal and pathetically simply unless done right, in
which case you will be nice and scary.
1. BOY BAND MEMBER
I can't....I'm afraid to even touch this one.
MSN.com obviously says "If you can't afford a costume, and
you have no creativity to conjure something up, and you
have no friends to turn to for advice, and you are just
absolutely NO fun but your obligated to attend your sister-
in-law's stupid Halloween party, then just wear what you
would normally wear and just say you are a 'boy band
member'...ooh....

I can't take it! Is this what has become of Halloween?!
Someone, anyone...reassure me that this grand holiday is
not dying out with me!!!




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