My Reality
Ad 2:
2002-10-02 00:40:08 (UTC)

The funny thing about getting older...

The funny thing about getting older is that you delight in
things that seem to be quite a bore when you were younger
and the things that made you content as a child now
seem...well, kinda childlike.
I know its an obvious statement but it takes really getting
older to be able to look at that and understand the full
meaning of it. Although i am only 19yrs old, it still
makes me go "19!!!!!!" Its insane. im an adult. i am at
the point in my life where i can be in control and its ok.
i can make mistakes right now and i still have the ability
to go running back to mom and dad for a short period of
I know that my life is fairly simple and boring but thats
the way i like it. i delight in cleaning my room and i
love to do laundry and i cant wait to have a job. Doesnt
that sound stupid. When i was younger you would have had to
pay me to do those things...and now i do them for my own
personal self satisfaction and for my own benefit. Thats
the other thing that seems to be fairly different. When i
was younger i always wanted to please others, well now, not
so much. I honestly try to please very few ppl bc very few
ppl try to please me. Right now is the time for so why not
focus on myslf. A little self absorbed i know, but thats
the way i interpret the way it should be in the life of a
19 yr old. this is the only way i am going to figure out
life for myself and how to survive without constantly
relying on other ppl.
Friends. They used to be a real source of enjoyment. they
used to be a true pick me up when i was tired pissed off or
just really bored, and now it doesnt take any more than a
john mayer cd and my computer, or doing some
extracurricular drafting to get myself at ease and
perfectly happy with the world. friends actually kinda bug
me now. it feels like they are intruding on my time. ok
ok let me take that back, there are a few ppl in this world
that i would stop time for just to be "J" my
best friend heather, "J", "that guy", "J", my family, "J"
and well, actually thats about it.
Its so weird to think that if my plan to go to VT soon
comes true, then i will actually have the adult things that
i want. i no longer focus on the new cds coming out or the
scope the malls for hot guys and a lots of clothes. thats
right, bargain binds and walmart is all for me. and i dont
really think about cloths all that much any more. its all
about decorating my currently none existant apartment.
hell i have furniture for this place already. my parents
have suggested i rent storage until i move out bc the house
is so crowded with my shit.
my main excitement these days seems to be filled with
checking the mail for information on the greatest damn
school ever... Virginia Tech. thinking about my apartment
that hopefully i can get in December or january, and just
being out on my own making mistakes and fixing them all on
my own.
my only issue is trying to tell some of the most important
ppl in my life that i want to go to tech.... i am scared
out of my mind to tell "J" bc i am scared he is going to
think that the only reason i am moving to Blacksburg is for
him and that he will freak out and not want me there. and
i am scared shitless to tell my folks just bc its going to
be such an ordeal to get my scholarship and my apartment
and my stuff reorganized there.
i just hope that everyone realizes that i am growing up and
that this is what i want and that it is a good thing, i
hope "J" still wants me and that my folks wont think i am
too much of a burden..i love all three of them, and what
they think of my decisions matter more than anyones elses
for the most part.