penny lane

the adventures of crista bear
2002-10-02 00:16:05 (UTC)

october 1, 2002

Yeah ..me starting a new diary. new person, new places,
new friends..an old diary just wouldn't match right guys?!
As i hear from old friends from PSHS i realize how
limiting parry sound was for me..how amazingly horrible it
will be to those i care for that will remain there for a
while..a long while i imagine. Joe , Jon, Sabrina,
Tara...I'm not there..and as happy i am that their lives
carried on..i am fearful as to how their futures will lay
out for them without the guidance i drilled into their
every day activites. i hear sabby is smokin up with boo
(ryan her bf) every day at lunch..jon ..now that hes done
w/ his first ever gf..is an animal on the prowl..and
joe..wow..i dont even know him anymore,.,The scariest thing
is that they no longer know me as a person anymore,. they
know me a crista pshs crista. this bothers me more than id
like.BLAH.

Went to a soccer game (the snr. jarvis boys team). they
kinda..lost..horribly..but hey , it was still
entertaining. Reminded me about how much i miss the pshs
spirit..god EVERY student was at every game for anything -
i miss the cheek paws painted on at spirit assemblies and
the juke box wars in the caf. wierd..the things i miss..in
no way are they contained in the context of love,
acceptance or friendship. its so nice to feel those things
now. sure i had popularity ..but in pshs it was a target
for gossip..so who wants that? Ultimately i am reealizing
that my life is taking much more twista dn bends than i
thought it would.

I'm encountering so many kindred souls in jarvis..its
amazing and surprising. joyce is a doll...kassy is alot
like me..richard (tho in his own world ) is a great guy
and caesar makes me feel at home wherever i am! also a
certain "interest" has appealed to my eyes and today it
took an unexpected (but very good) turn.;-).Ya know that
feelin when you're around someone and you feel extremely
nervous yet exteremely calm..like you've known them before
yet its all so new..i nevfer knew that feelin actually
until today..it was cool. nice to finally know what all
those boycrazy grls are talking about ..hmm..am i wierd
for not being totally consumed with the idea of havinga
constant companion or guy on my arm???maybe im just too
scared to get hurt. blair definatly took me for a
whirlwind of shit ...everyone said we were in love
(SHOUDLNT I KNOW IF I AM OR NOT MYSELF?) ..if thats love
screw it! i guess the fear of accpetance and rejection
keep me from letting others in too soon. i always need to
be so sure that therye gonna stick around.

anyway ....enough of my blabbin on and on. **crazy girl**
sweet dreams
crista*bear




Ad: