elaine thoughts
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2002-09-30 22:35:03 (UTC)

mon forgot date lol :(

well today was ok ,i guess ,except pain in eye stillw as
around took me excedrin prayed to go away but dint .gosh i
nedd massaged so bad or at least my temples .::(
well took shower got up had some coffee and a cookie with
the excedrin ,maybe was better ,but still hungery so i ate
some cheese too.well tlaked to my friend tad agin today :)
yeah was so nice to talk to him ,he seems like such a
careign person ,unlike people i talked to online and
realtionship men ,we were tlakign and he said he was
thinking calling me lol over weekend but chickened out on
me.told him well i wouldnt bite his head off ,im a good
talker ,he laughed,but he was really serious about what he
was trying to order for me the karoke machine .and i was
like in shock ,cause never had nicde person treatign me
nice like that ,again he said all i wana do is make you
happy:)was like woe ,but im just not used to it ,he said
well get used to it .i was in tears when he was tlaking
about it ,still shock ,i mean yes i want to be happy more
than anythign in the world ,for we both
christians ,care ,and we seem very good friends .that i
know wants more .he talked about shiping it and told him
well ship himself too over here ,would be happy:)but knows
one day well be together face to face and well then see
what we have in our souls as we look at one another ,first
glance as we meet real life says it all:)hopefully hell
like me still?i know im not miss maerica or anything but an
average every day girl with a god heart ,and hopefully hell
see it :)well i was in kinda danceign mod he said i love
how you dance so i danced then got hot and kinda tested him
to see if hed still like me if i took shirt off so i
did .and compliments he gave knew he must of liked it ,even
wanted to dance with me ,mmmmmmmmmmm wonderign what that
would feel like his big arms around my waist as we moved to
the music.,:)guess hopefuly one day will happen .
not here maybe park or something as we sing too eachother
too and to the WORLD:)can someone like this exist whats
this all about ,is this signs of god .i feel its meant to
be one way either as friend or a forever lover ,
theres just something talking in my soul that this is right
and the rigth lkinda guy maybe was lookign for years af go
when i asked for someone like him to enter into my life

just hope he understand my heart and accepts me as i am
always ,as wel as situation im in that i cant help right
now .i dont want to be here this is crazy yah i helped but
why no dar n luck in jobs so i can get the hell out of here
why are doors closed on me to what i relay love to do help
people in nurseign homes and stuff , i have to find
something and trying .i want to show myself as well as
someone i care about about that i want my life back that
elaine can take her life back and make it .just first
things first.i am div and i dont needd to be ehre any
longer than nedded ,it totally sucks here big time ,
very fortunate though im not in streets ,thanks god for
that ,and theres food here ,so i do look up and praise GOD
everyday for another day of life regardless i dont have
much right now.i pray for my kids for friends life,my love
life to open ,and for me to somehow show woerld how much i
love god by music since tad loves music too:)
iw ant o sing to him so bad so he can hear what my voice
sounds like on a real mic:)people say should do
professionally .but door shut for now with that,my dreams
to be singer or registered nurse and to make a good life
for my two kids no more hurt and pain and them ever beign
scared for there mommy again cause of men whom hurt and
abuse one way or another .have to f do my ssteps
councelign ,job ,place,car taken care of ,parent eval amnd
i will get them back and make me happiest mom and woman
alive that day they are in my armssssss all forever:)son
told me on phone when i tlaked to him he goes momma is that
yu i said yup he said thats right and you are very good
one too :)made me feel so good inside when my kids tel me
they wana be with me i was good moma and that they love
me .just to hear those words can make my day :)
daughter sang to me also on phone america song she sound so
cute:)gues its a generation thing ,musically inclinesd
somehow .
told her have gram record her voice or get a webcam so i
can see them on comp be so neat to see kids on the comp
talkignt o me :)but who know s what the ex mom in law will
do .she can be so two fased in life ,still hurts me she
did what she did would of had kids till this day but at
least kids are safe and dont have to worry about there
dadya nd mommy argueign or dady scareign thrre mommy like
he did the last time with a bat ,,wish never married and
gone thru all i did ,my lifewas ruined and taken away with
him as well as when with leeny .
but i thank god he protected me both relationships and
helped me understand wht kinda soul is good for me and to
make my life better and for my kids ,as beign away makes me
think clearly:)
thankyou lord i praise you for all you have done for me and
my life my kids ,my soul i have to show love for thankyou
father for never forsaken me and for beringing good
christian souls in my life ,as friends :)
wel, signing out tonight ,cant wait to tlak to tad tomorw :)