elaine

elaine thoughts
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2002-09-30 22:09:00 (UTC)

sept 29th

well yesterday and weekend wasnt good ,i had a huge
headache that didint sem to want to disappear.head
pounding ,so bad.put hot water on it and kept takign
excedrin ,i prayed for healing but didnt sem to work this
time:( too much tension i bet to where im staying,the deal
with me being here ,sometimes i want to just cry so
hard ,people say life will get better and all ,but i guess
since i dont have a nurseing job yet it fels like im not
getting anywhere.like said feel worthless even though i
have good heart and not my fault im in the position im in
with stuff.mom dont care ,no one to turn to .didnt wnat to
be homeless with no life ,so i chose to have temp place as
well as helping with court case,which wonder why im so god
hearted why i help when the person im helping hurt me laot
in my life of 15yrs.maybe to blame my mom for sticking
around abuse and leading us kids to believe people change
who knows.
but anyways also have a heart to help and never bestray ,as
jesus would do ,but maybe too christian ,cause my life aint
even no where yet ,i am startign to feel lil more positive
cause of a particular person named tad ,he is a friend
which im shocked to have .hopign it will become more one
day in time ,guess when my life gets better maybe hell want
to pur sue more as i dont know what he think s of me
well wrote him wante d to show him i was wishing could of
talked to him the weekend ,but realized ehs still around me
cause he has touched my heart.i believe its not out side
appearance that counts or age god would never put an age
limit or an appearance to look for its what he gave us
inside our selves ,our souls, plus i do like older
gentleman ,have more stability ,not out for playing ,and
hurting people ,as much as younger people would ,
well bben argueign all day practically with ex hub about
junk over weekend so its probly what gave me headache that
never wanted to just go away
well cutting short as i go to sleep ,as wekend wasnt much
didnt do one thing but rest and meye hurting ,:(


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