The Crazy Life of Troy, the Drama King!
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2002-09-30 17:36:42 (UTC)

It hurts to smile

I'm in a no good, very bad mood today and I'm pretty sure I
know why. It's because I hate the term "fuck buddy." Being
a fuck buddy basically means you're not good enough to be a
boyfriend, but you're good enough to be used for sex...I'm
sorry, but that's just a BIG self-esteem lowerer right
there! I already feel bad enough about my looks and my
personality, but to be told that I would be "one hell of a
fuck buddy" really just sets me off. All I want is a
boyfriend...is that so hard to ask for?? All I want is
someone to care for me, yet I get these assholes who just
want to get off and use me for their own pleasure. They
want me up out of there before they wake up! Basically, I'm
not cute enough to be a boyfriend, but I'm cute enough to
fuck...why me?

I've just been down this whole weekend and I know there are
plenty of other people out there for me, but it still hurts
to know that someone I really really want to have a
relationship with could really just care less about me and
my feelings.

I feel ugly today and that sucks. I was finally starting to
feel better about myself...but when the only so-
called "compliments" you get are about being TOO
skinny...then it kinda makes you go back to feeling sorry
for yourself. I know I'm too skinny, you don't have to
remind me all the goddamn time! If I could gain weight, I
would!! If I could join a gym I would! If I could afford to
go tanning, I WOULD! My life sux and I guess I shall
too...oh well...

Once again, I STILL hate the world...

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