listen to my silences
my best friend ran off with my clothes
interesting stories from the hospital (interesting for me
they messed up my birthdate and all day long people kept
saying you're not forty eight, are you? nope. try
eighteen peoples. although the way i was telling stories i
could have been only eight. lol. that was fun. then
there were the people like neil and brodie who said man,
megan, you age well. we didn't even know that you had that
many birthdays. but you sure must be dumb since you just
graduated high school. very funny guys. if i hadn't been
confined to that bed, i'd have...yeah you're right i
wouldn't have done anything.
then there was the worst thing of all...dum dum
dum...*ominous tone*...the bed pans. have any of you ever
had to pee in a bed pan? i hope not. CAUSE IT SUX. it's
like the grossest thing about staying in a hospital. okay,
the grossest thing for me. worse than needles. so i had
to pee in a bed pan. the first time i begged the nurse to
let me walk to the bathroom. i mean hello i walked in here
i think i can walk around the corner to pee. but no.
alas, she would not let me. neil left the room while i
peed. (that would have been really weird if he
didn't...lol micro) while i was peeing the x-ray
technician started to walk in my "room". neil stopped him
by saying uhh...she's a little busy you might want to
wait. yeah, you might want to. just maybe. then the
second time, neil had to go get an orderly. he left to eat
and then everbody left for like five minutes. AND I HAD TO
PEE REALLY BAD!!! so finally some guy comes in and says
are you the one who has to pee? duh. so then he points to
something behind me and says is that your bed pan? real
smart guy here kids, because i had a neck brace on i
couldn't see behind me. duh. so i said i don't know i
can't see it. is it yellow? they're all yellow he said. i
said well then i don't know but i've been here for three
hours and already peed once if that helps. he said okay
it's yours. i hope it was, that would have been even
grosser. so i peed. and he forgot to bring me toilet
paper. so i had to sit there and wait for toilet paper.
it was horrible.
let's see...what else...i already told you about the
washing machine incident. hmm...brodie had to help me get
dressed when i was leaving. i put my pants on after he
left the room. he had my shirt and shoes. so i said bro
i'm done. no answer. i pulled back the curtain, and he
was nowhere to be found. MY BEST FRIEND RAN OFF WITH MY
CLOTHES!!! he came around the corner finally and helped me
get dressed. neil had to get me undressed earlier, it was
funny. the doctor told me to take my shirt off and then
asked if i had a shirt on underneath. i said no but i had
a sports bra on. he nodded at neil to imply something so i
said he's been to guard plenty of times, it's okay.
probably not a good thing to say.
so later when neil went off to eat a nurse came by and said
you're boyfriend left you? keep in mind i'm on
painkillers. i said i have a boyfriend? i was really
confused. so then she was confused and said don't you?
now would i have asked if i already knew the answer? duh.
i said i don't know. i didn't have one when i came in
here, how do i have one now? it's the guy with the bed
pans isn't it? she started cracking up. then she said
well isn't that guy that's with you your boyfriend? i said
nope. he just sleeps on me. which if you think about it
is really funny. he'd been attempting to sleep earlier and
had used my leg as a pillow. so this nurse, who had seen
neil sleeping on my leg, catches what i say and interprets
it both ways. and starts laughing even more. so now i'm
totally confused. neil comes back and the nurse left.
interesting day i'm telling you. and i'm sitting there
still thinking that the guy with the bed pans likes me.
like i said i was on painkillers.
there was a security guard that would pace the emergency
floor. he walked by several times when neil was there and
kept looking at us. then neil left and the next time he
walked by brodie was sitting in the exact same place that
neil had been. it was really funny. the guy did a double
take, looked really hard at brodie, and then kept walking.
i can't yawn in this neck brace. it sux. i just tried.
oh yeah, my room flooded on thursday night. there is a
small river in it and a huge mountain made up of all my
things so they don't get wet. it was fun.
it hurts to cough too. trust me.
i can't make up my quiz that i missed on friday. the
reason i was going to school in the first place at seven o
clock in the morning was because i had a quiz. IRONY SUX.
i spilt water all over myself in the hospital. i had to
tip my whole body backwards to drink cause i couldn't use
my neck and spilt water everywhere. it was funny. i wiped
it all over neil and brodie. it was great.
neil kept telling me megan you are not allowed to talk for
ten minutes. i was saying all kinds of things. it was
fun. and of course when he would tell me this i kept right
on talking. so much fun.
that's all the stories i can remember for now. if i think
of any more, i'll be sure to jot them down here. later.
final thought: i am not forty eight years old