socalledemopunk

Life according to Luvie..
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2002-09-30 14:52:19 (UTC)

What is going on? I'm so scared...

Dear Diary,
You can't imagine how scared I am now. Casteel wants to
leave her. He really does. He wants to be with me. He says
he cares about me a lot. The down side of him is he's fat
and short and not so appealing. Yet in a way he appeals to
me.

Charlie...I don't know what to do about him...I don't know
how to give him my ultimatum. I just don't know. Take me
back now or just leave me the hell alone. How can I strip
the string that is tying our hearts together without it
hurting???!!!

I wrote a song for him and he just said okay. The bastard.
The fucking insensitive little shit. I talked to Casteel
until about two thirty in the morning. I felt so happy. He
makes me happy. I thought I was going beyond this. I
thought it would all be better.

I don't know...I'm going in circles. Casteel says he wants
me to be happy. Wants to be with me. Likes and cares for me
so much. Good lord. He is tempting coz he's a shy little
boy who happens to be twenty at the end of this year you
know?!

Damn this all. I want my Charlie back but every other word
out of his mouth is that Bitch's name. I hate her. He talks
about her almost all the time. INSERT HER NAME HERE did
this and she was with us that time. Ugh. I just wish he
would say...no Luvie..I don't want to be with you move on.
It's not gonna happen.

But no!!! Instead my heart is crying for him and he's
turning away. If by this Thursday he doens't take me back,
then I guess it is over for us. I guess it really is.
Dammit. I didn't want to cry over this. I really didn't.
But my eyes are getting misty. He's the love of my life. Or
at least he is supposed to be!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"My song for Charlie"
There are times that I
Wish you were with me
All the time
But life isn't fair
You're still not here

All those words we said
Can't help but make me feel
Like it was all just a dream
Nothing is like it seems

I wish that you would take me back
I'd give you all the gifts
That I have to offer

You always told me
That I was your angel
Up above, shining down...

Where did all those words take us?
You're not around,
You're hanging with someone else
I wish that I could be
That angel with you now

This is my
Heart calling you out
Come back to me now
I love you with all that I have

Can I be that special someone
With you always...
Please love me...
Be with me...
Nothing feels the same,
You're not here with me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wish me luck! Hopefully he comes back to me on his
nineteenth birthday...October 3, 2002. Please.
Love always,
Luvie


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