steaming the buns
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2002-09-30 06:44:40 (UTC)

second guessing

i have started painting again. after almost 3 years of
digital art, i have picked up a brush and rediscovered my
old passion. started last week and havnt stopped since.
painted for three days straight with only coffee and
nicotine to sustain me. after the third day my fingers
started to cramp up, that i couldnt use the computer at the
office anymore.

forced back to it really, ive been trying to get my art
materials together for some months now, but havnt found the
time to actually start on a project.

found myself staring at the ceiling for hours after found
that i was no longer wanted. decided to get my hands dirty
and start painting. didnt have any canvass around so i
sanded my little round coffee table and proceeded to work
on it.

decided to use ink on it. didnt want to use oil just yet.
with ink, the work is a lot more controlled. needing bit
more precision and concentration than oil. didnt want to
use oil yet cause i knew that at my current state id be
making a mess.

oil is my medium of choice cause its like sculpting on
canvass. everything's about how u use the brush, fingers
knives, whatever. its about strokes. u can constantly
reform your idea, swirl it around. and how u use the
clolors and how u use the brush would very much depend on
ones mood. given my mood, id ruin all my brushes by the
time i was thru.

i chose ink cause i had to concentrate to get the effects i
wanted,. helped me forget about the vise that's been
crushing my ribcage.

im almost through. pretty nice. clean, smooth on the eyes.
ironic. how controlled and beautifully relaxed it is, when
the artist is anything but.

something happened last week. someone from alpha records
called me up. i sent a couple of demo cds out to diff
labels.surprised i got a reply. anyway he said he was
listening to it and would want to get a profile of the
band. he'd want to see us perform live as well.
got some gigs coming this october. maybe threeor four. plus
ive been booked to do a solo performance. i want to cover
jeff buckley's "lover..." if i can get the chords right id
want to do FNM's "she love's me not". great song. what's
great about Faith no more, you'll never know what an album
has in store for you. each time i buy a FNM album, i tell
myself that this would be my all-time favorite. THEN i get
the next one...then THAT would be my favorite. so on so

this is getting long. cant stop. if i stop i'll have to
start thinking and brooding again. i have been wounded.
deeply. i dont give a fuck about anything right now.

thinking of a design for a new tat. got the money ready.
trying to grt in touch with artists i know. found out that
there's gonna be a convention coming up. id like to present
myself as their model for the competitions.

havent been training. im not in the mood to row. passports
and five thou was supposed to be submitted last saturday.
dont know if i still want to go to thailand. i dont reply
to their txt msgs. thinking about thailand pa. maybe. why
not? ako din pasaya sa ibang bansa muna. i dont know. dont
care too much right now. lets see. been looking for promo
packages to singapore. wanted to go there.

listening to tool now.. perfect song. 2nd track of
lateralus, "the patient" not familiar bout what it's about
yet. but a line sticks in my mind.
"well im still right here, giving blood keeping faith"