poeticgem

My sometimes coherent thoughts
2002-09-30 00:10:06 (UTC)

Random thoughts

I let Chantelle spend the night with Madison at Madison's
father's house last night. I was supposed to pick her up
this afternoon, but Hugh (Madison's father) invited
Chantelle to go with them to see the play 'Mama Mia'.

I've always wanted to go to take Chantelle to see a play;
I've never even been to myself. I thought this was a
wonderful opportunity for Chantelle to do something that I
can't and haven't been able to afford to do with her. I
just hope I'm not sorry again later. I let her go have her
fun without fulfilling her responsibilities here at home,
both of us thinking she would be home this afternoon and
she would take care of everything today. So ... I told her
she would have to do her things after school this week. If
she gives me any trouble, she won't be allowed the
privilege to spend time with her friend(s) next time.

Anyway ... there it is. This is also something that Harry
and I don't agree upon. So I have not shared with him
where Chantelle has been all weekend. I simply do not want
to deal with the insanity of it all by telling him things
that I know he and I don't agree upon - and anyway, I've
made the decision to keep our relationships separate, mine
and his and mine and Chantelle's, at least as much as need
be and as much as possible.

So, I've pretty much spent the entire weekend by myself,
trying very hard not dwell on what's going to happen in
regards to my money situation for rent and the bills that
are coming up due.

I had a really, really, really weird dream last night about
Chantelle's favorite band, Blink 182. I dreamed I met two
of the guys (the less tattoed ones!) and I was talking and
flirting with them as if I'd known them forever, as if they
were just regular guys. I asked them if they would sign
Chantelle's poster for her and they were so nice and said
they would. I mainly remember flirting with them, kinda
hanging on them, hugging them ... (well one of them
anyway) ... it was super weird to say the least! I can't
wait to share it with Chantelle ... I'm sure she'll laugh.

Ok, well, that's it for now. I'm going to peruse the
Classifieds, hopefully this week will bring some good
news. I pray it does.

I must ask God's forgiveness for not going to church last
night or this morning. I feel bad because I know God
always makes time for me and my problems, regardless of
whether I take complete faith in that all the time or not.
There are no excuses for me not making it a priority to
give Him some attention and be a role model for Chantelle
to do the same ...

Ok ... until later ...

ciao for now




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