Underdogs and Tidal Waves
Southside of Mellow
Speak like a child
September 29, 2002
Sunday 11:09 a.m.
I went out yesterday.
Went out the whole day.
I was scared and lost.
I lost my eyes.
I only had my hearing to guide me.
I couldn't see at all.
I walked around in a place not of my home.
I stumbled around blind looking.
Struggling to see the world around me.
I was scared and humiliated walking around like a fool.
Struggling to see what I could.
Then I could see again.
I then ran out of there as fast as I could, trying to
withstand the humiliation I brought on myself.
Everything is my fault and I know it.
Isn't that what responsibility is?
Isn't that taking the blame for anything that has an
association to you.
That's the feeling I'm getting.
I'm just a kid in a grown-up world.
Breaking and burning everything I touch.
Being forced to take this so-called responsibility.
Taking the godamn blame for every godamn thing.
It's tiring.
All the time.
The routine every day.
Still so much to do and I'm not even finished yet.
Forced responsibilities as I try to take it all in.
Closing my eyes, trying to tell myself it will all be ok.
Forcing myself into this world of grown-up's robbing me of
my youth and childhood.
No ease.
No welcome here.
Stumbling hard.
I can do nothing but whine.
That's all I have.
I can't scream and kick.
So I whine like the little child I am.
I don't want this world.
I don't want to be forced into this world of forcefull
cruel human beings that we call adults.
I guess I am already becoming one.
Yet I'm still the child I think I am.
Don't know who I am anymore.
I speak like an adult.
Yet I speak like a child at the same time.
Never know what I want anymore.
Can't be eased.
Growin up too fast with too much to say in such little
time.
Sitting here trying to perserve as much as my childhood as
I can before the monsters around me can turn me into one
of them.
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