*~shattered illusions*~

2001-01-21 23:42:23 (UTC)

21.1.01 Already I am writing..


Already I am writing meaningless, fake junk. Arent people so
fake? Dont you have a conversation with someone and realise
that its the same thing you said to everyone else in a
slightly different life? Isnt that what life is about? Fake
bloody conversations...

I am a cutter. I use blades to take away my pain..but thats
not who I am.

I am also wiccan...I am finding that the light the lord and
lady offer is incredible...

My Grandma loves to point out that we cant "know" another
person until we "know"
ourselves....but we dont give ourselves permission to know
who we really are...we
block out all the bits we dont want to love and so in a
way we ceate a "good" and "bad
version of ourselves..If we dont let ourselves see who we
really are..then we surely
cant let enough of ourselves show through so that another
person may know
us...damn- that makes no sense!

I have all these friends at school and I talk to them all
day and they phone at nights and
they think that I know them, that I understand them...they
say things like that..."Erin
gets what I mean..." But really there is so much that I
dont know about them...because
thats the "bad" bits they dont want to know themselves..I
try and see into them, but I
get tired of it when they place so many blocks up..

If you were the last person left alive on Earth..would you
feel that there was a reason
to live? I wouldn't. People are pack creatures, we need
each other...but the thing is we
ARE all alone now, we are each the only one alive in our
own universe, because we
dont let anyone in, people dont want to come in. So, is
there a point....?

My new policy is to somehow brighten at least two peoples
lives a little
everyday..whether its writing letters to free political
prisoners, or visiting ths age
hostel, helping someone with their groceries...or just
smiling at a stranger....maybe
somehow that will take away a little of the barrier...I
dont know.

Maybe this makes no sense to you..
Love, light and laughter,