kahlie

no words here
2002-09-29 04:45:55 (UTC)

sunday 29/9/02

i regret nearly everything in my life.
i cant believe i slept with matt on thursday night, that
is one thing i regret more then anything.

im the kind of person that cant do that sort of thing,
because of everything that has happened in my past, so me,
giving him that was a major thing in my life, now, all he
has to say to me is.... i had to do that to you, so i
could realise how i actually felt about someone else.

so, alas, once again, i have been used. you'd think that i
would be used to it by now....fuck no. i just keep looking
for more pain, more deciet, and more people to realise, i
am nothing more then something that can be taken advantage
of. i suppose i deserve it, its not like im an angel or
anything, as far as i can see, i deserve everything i get.

i cant stop crying, this past week has just been insane
for me, ive lost nearly everythign i have ever known, and
its a lot harder then i realised it would be.

there are so many people i want to turn to, so many people
i feel i owe everything to. ruth, i keep on crying and
crying and crying (x3) for you. its hit me hard babe, i
cant believe you are gone...im praying and praying and
praying that next year, is real. i pray that we dont lose
any amount of closeness, because im not so sure i could
handle that. i just really am hoping, and wishing that
next year will become real. pleeeeeaaaaaassse.

emily, you are right. you are probably one of my closest
friends at work, thankyou for understanding, caring, and
not looking on me differently, even after everythign you
have found out. i promise i am here for you, even tho it
may feel that noone else is, ok.

i am going to have to go and sleep or something. ive
havent slept for 4 days now, and have been drunk for 3...
sooo, im fucked!!!

~kahlie




Ad: