Life according to Luvie..
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2002-09-27 14:16:00 (UTC)

Last night was great!!

Dear Diary,
My Pearl came back. She had run away with her married
lover. Now she's back. They were gone for six weeks. He got
tired of her, and they are back. So whooo! I love her. She
is fawken awesome. BUT...I can't hang with her. I have no
will power. I give into her all the time.

Oh my god! Last night was the greatest!!! You see I got a
little buzzed from smoking a J with Pearl, her cousin by
marriage, and a manager from work. So damn! I got to work
smelling like 'mota' (weed). I put some cologne on after
that. But I noticed my work performance sucked.

Don't get me wrong! I was still friendly. I just did a bad
job. Both me and one of the managers who smoked with me
were working bad. Casteel was having a fit. I was like I
want you. Because now that his chic is preggers obviously
that is all I am going to get out of him. A scam. My morals
always go out the window when I'm under any influence.

So we went to the freezer, and I was telling him how I
liked him a lot. I was explaining how it sucked since he
couldn't be with me. Then he just moved in and kissed me. I
just went with it. He's an okay kisser. Not bad. No more
like not as bad as the other two I have had. No three. Damn
I lost count.

That's sad. I notice that each time I mess with someone I
am under some influence whether it be alcohol or smoking
some grass. Hehe. I don't know what is going on with me. So
from now on I am not going to go out with My Pearl. That's
just wrong. I am not going to make out with Casteel.

But he's just so fawken good. Not good physically.
Technically, Charlie is so much better looking than
Casteel. Serious. But Casteel wants me. And Charlie is
leaving me only messages to secure me to him. Too bad I
don't really want anything to do with Casteel, Jaime,
Ramon, Ramos, Toné, Street, etc.

Charlie would be so disappointed in me. And honestly, I am
too. I want to change. But that's the point; i just
want to change. I have no desire. No drive. No
determination. Just hope that it will happen on its own.
Today I have to concentrate on ignoring Jaime. My brother
is getting slightly pissed at me for it.

That's all for now I guess. I really want to see Charlie.
One of these days all that I've been doing will come out.
One day it will. Oh well, until that day...
Love always,

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