Life of Nevadagirl
2002-09-27 02:36:23 (UTC)

the day is short....092602

i wish there was never darkness, i wish it were always
light, i think the darkness holds too much evil, too much
potential for fear and worry
things are blah, and i wonder if i will ever NOT be
confused, i really dont think so, i dont know what i am
doing, i reach out desperately for something, for anything,
for everything, and im just like bringing back my
outreached hand empty. i know you are suppose to count your
blessings and be sooo happy for what you have, we are not
supposed to want more, so why do i not enjoy what i have,
God has blessed me with so much, why do i just throw that
on the sidelines and act as if its not enough? i have been
looking at this guy for a while, this is a guy i have never
mentioned here yet, hes sooo cute to me, preppy and tall,
caucasian and he acts so lovingly when i see him, i am a
dork cause no he doesnt know who i am, i am like the
perfect candidate for having a crush on someone, i think i
am pathetic, but its kinda cool to look at someone from
afar and be interested in them, i have been through this
before, and its like you know most likely nothing will
happen, but if it could, oh yeah, wouldnt that be great. i
want to meet someone that i can be totally different with,
so i can talk to him with faith, and he would never have to
know about my past or the way i get depressed, i always
hope i can meet someone new, that i am interested in him
and him in me, now last nite i did see this guy we go to
the same church, and he was 2 rows ahead of me and to me he
has like a tom cruise face , sorry had to throw that in, i
just think hes really cute, i always see everyone else with
friends, and writing about their friends, well where are
mine i wonder? hmmmmm,,,,,
i would love to have friends that would encourage me and
not know about my struggles before, i dont want to be that
person anymore, but of course, i probably at any moment can
become that depressed person again, anyway what i was
saying before is that it is so cool to kinda be excited and
nervous about seeing someone.
anyway, he was 2 rows in front of me, and i smiled at him a
couple of times and he smiled at me, but isnt that how
everyone is supposed to be at church? but oh man i feel
like such a dork now, if nothing comes of it, i hope the
little crush ends,
i am a dork oh goodness...

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