ruefulformelancholy

argh

So, I decided to go after all. Went to practice last night
and everybody seemed happy to see me. Don't quite know what
else I expected...but...So we'll see how it goes this
weekend.

Got pissed off last night at Tray. When I went to rugby
practice, he went out and drank some beer...which was cool.
I get home from rugby practice and there's no sign of him.
No message on the machine or anything. So I went out to eat
with Betty - we hung out for a few hours talking and making
fun of the stupid quizzes in Cosmo (heh). Get home and
there is a message saying he's out drinking and he'll be
home soon. That's still cool. So I get online and MUD a
little bit...and Heather calls here looking for Tray. I say
he's over at RT drinking. She says okay, she and Adam will
probably stop by in a little bit. I'm doing laundry and
packing for the trip, so that's cool. I could use some
company.

So I do laundry...and I pack...and I'm thinking about how
Tray's been pushing me to go on this trip...but he doesn't
want to hang out with me the night before I leave for three
days. If it were any of his other friends, he'd be hanging
out with them. But nooo, not me.

So the next phone call I get is from Tray. He's over at
Heather's house (Heather and Adam live in the same
building) and wants to know if I want to come over. It's
like 12:45am. I say no thanks, I'm doing laundry and
packing and I'm going to bed. He gets all pissy with me (I
find out later it's because he's drunk off his ass) and
hangs up.

About 30 minutes later Adam calls and asks if they can come
over. What the hell am I supposed to say to that? So of
course, I say yeah come on over. Adam and Heather and
Heather's new chick Cynthia (or something) and this guy
um...RadioShack boy come over. Tray's all trying to be
like "see I'm hanging out with you now". I was pissed and
didn't really care. We watched 'Crazy in Alabama' (how
appropriate, eh?) and then they left. Tray goes to bed. So
do I, but I can't sleep ebcause it's too fucking noisy
outside with all the drunk clubbers. I finally fall asleep
at like 4:30...the alarm goes off at 6 but I don't drag my
ass out of bed until 7:20ish.

THEN Tray and I get in this huge ass argument. He asked me
why I was upset last night, so I told him. His response:
well can't I hang out with my friends? DAMN. I DON'T GIVE A
FUCK IF YOU HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS. But I would like to
see you before I leave for three days. I'm like the lowest
friend on his totem pole of friends. (Of course, I didn't
say that). He never chooses to hang out with me over his
friends. And when we hang out, he's always alking about how
he wished his friends could be there. And he wonders why I
feel like shit.

He had one of his little fits today too - turned over the
coffee table and screamed. He was like "i can't wait to get
out of this fucking apartment". Then later he said he
didn't mean it. But I think he did. And I can't wait to get
out of here either. This entire situation is driving me
nuts. (Like I needed any help with that). And he said "I
don't ever want us not to be friends". But I wish he
treated me with as much respect as he did everybody else he
hangs out with.

And the thing that sucks is that I thought everything was
cool at the Warped Tour. (Even with him saying he wished
Adam and Heather could be there). And then today he goes
off at me because I'm honest with him about how I feel. He
always gives me shit about not being completely honest with
him - well you know why I'm not? It's because when I am, he
goes apeshit.

Am I just being psycho crazy?