the life of a sacred monster
2001-07-27 15:30:31 (UTC)


I got out of bed after yet another sleepless night, it
seems this case of insomnia I'm having is taking a tole on
my mind. I try to write, and I can't, I try to dream and
that's even more impossible than imagined...I can't do it.
What's the use anyway??? The good Lord goes not allow me
to drift off into the dreamworld of my innermost
subconsious chambers of my mind and when I wake up there's
nothing but a memory of absolute darkness. If I was
allowed to dream, the only thing I would see would be those
whom I loved and cared about snatched from my life either
by those who knowingly hate others, or myself. I have
turned that which is love into an abomination because I
don't love myself. And there they are, the ones who love
me dearly seeing me unable to escape the flood of my
blackened heart, throwing me something to stay afloat on
and painfully watching me turn my back and continue
drowning. God, the only thing in this horrible world
keeping me alive is the hope that one day it's all going to
end and the souls that make it their mission to stray from
Jesus Christ will pay dearly for eternity. Not only that,
but being taken from this world of pain, suffering, and
despair for those not saved, and seeing the leigions of
brothers that have died before you is worth all the pain in
the world. I want so badly to part from this world...why
can't salvation come and take me home?

----I'm sorry Brenna, I'm so sorry...but I have to continue