Startdust

this is life
2002-09-26 04:30:46 (UTC)

something wrong

Ok is there something comepletely wrong with me? I don't
get it. Why can't we be freinds. I mean I wanted to be
forgiven so that I could feel better about myself but now
ijust feel worse cus he doesn't want to be my friend. Now
that my day has officially been turned in to crap I feel
soo much better. I actually have to wrtie an essay for
english and I think I am going to choose the one where you
change the ending to Lord of the Flies and in my version
everyone going to die! Just because I am in such a happy
mood. Man I can't sleep.. I don't want to go to school
tomorrow. but we have homecoming elections so I should
probably go and suck up to all theunder class men... yeah
right like I want to be on homecoming court. The only
reason I want to be on it is to make my mom feel bad cus
she won't beable to go to the game. I know it sounds kinda
cruel but hey I am not in a good mood and I don't feel like
being in one right now. I mean if I could have some sort
of reason for not being friends with alan then I think I
could be a little more comfortable with it but I don't have
a reason in why we can't be friends. I don't think he
would even care if he never saw me again. I think I might
quit the pagent thing.. i don't remember if I said that
earlier or not... but I really dont think there is much of
a point in it if I am not aloud to do my job. I want to be
happy again.. I don't know how to be happy again thouhg.
If I could get some answers then I think I would be at
least a little more content with things but I dont have
answeres. I don't like being all pissed off about things.
I need to get away from this messed up little town. Oh I
was kinda discussing going to college with my parents
tonight and they of course want me to go to the university
in town cus my mom works there and it is practicly free. I
know it is a good deal and the school isn't that bad but it
is in this town and there truly isn't anything in this town
to do.. i want a college life when I go to college. the
onlything here to do is go to walmart.. not even joking.
it is a dry county so that sucks too. I want to go to UofA
which is about 4 hours away and it is instate tuition and
everything it isn't that far so I could come home on
weekends I wanted to and it wouldn't cost THAT much more.
I know it is hard to pass up the practicly free education
but I HATE this town... I want to leave sooooo badly. My
dad says the a town is what you make of it.. but thats not
always true. one problem with arguing with my dad is that
I am so much like him and he doesn't realize it... i argue
the same as him.. but I am the one that will get in
trouble.. but he is alot more closed minded than I am so
that doesn't help at all!!! Ok well my eyes hurt from
crying and trying to read this. I am going to go see if I
can go to bed or not.. who knows maybe I will just saty up
all night and see how school goes tomorrow.
GURRRRRRRRRrr.... this sucks.




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