2002-09-26 03:57:25 (UTC)

and it grows...

my hatred for orlando grows more and more each day i wake
up here.
leaving can not come soon enough.
i will start cleaning and packing tomorrow. im off. so why
not. seeing boxes on my floor every morning will be so
much of an incentive to get through days and days of the
bullshit that occurs here.
it seems the more i attempt to distance myself from drama.
the more it seems to find me. and im so over it.
im done picking up my phone to talk to people who live
here. im done with them all lol. im just done. a couple
yeah ill talk to but other than that. yeah. fuck em. i
would rather sit at late night diners alone drinking
coffee until 3 o clock in the morning and smoking 2 packs
of cigarettes by myself doing HOMEWORK than to deal with
drama of this degree.
vicariously i swear i know everyone here. its disgusting.
and if i dont know them, im sure they know me. im not the
same person i was 3 years ago. im not even the same person
i was fucking one year ago. a month ago. jesus. people
need to realize that and get over it dude.
so much fucking drama its so gross. i feel dirty. i want
to bathe and i never want to do that.
i cant even make friends with someone because someone
knows someone who knows someone and that someone knows me.
i hate it. i hate it so much i cant even convey it. and
then i end up being issues for people and so shit either
gets fucked up with me and that person or with that person
and someone else.


i swear im the only one in the whole world who is actually
capable of caring and loving someone without being too
fucking concerned with trivial bullshit.
no one is a fucking individual anymore. its like were all
defined by the people we know.


and now its time to type a 1000 word paper which is due
tomorrow and study for a test that i have in the morning.